Ronery: Just Her Onry

I recently went back to uni. I've had two lectures so far; in both sat the girl I like.

Alone.

She sat by herself in both the lectures. It's kind of sad. I mean, I thought she had friends—I know she has friends because I've seen her with them, but I guess none of them are in these two lectures... which contain pretty much every student studying the same degree she is.

I mean, even I have at least one friend in this class; he's actually one of the two reasons I haven't taken the opportunity and sat next to her. He's going through a rough time as far as his health goes, so I'm not exactly gonna say to him "Hey, there's this cute girl I wanna get to know so I'm gonna go sit over here. Have fun being in pain and everything, hope that works out for you :)" That's a dick move :P

But the main reason is that it just seems creepy. Some dude who's never spoken to you all of a sudden decides to sit next to you? After he had three months to do that in the previous semester? When he knows and speaks to none of the people you do? That's also a dick move :P

I still want to sit next to her though. I mean, sitting by yourself in one class where you don't know anyone? Hell, I did that in a few lectures and tutorials last semester as well. But this semester, having a chance to start fresh, I decided to sit with a friend—surely she has friends in class by now. 

There were plenty of spaces next to people where she could have sat too; she seems to want to sit alone. In the first lecture, it was a double horseshoe table configuration: a horseshoe-shaped arrangement of tables in the middle, surrounded by a bigger horseshoe of tables along all 3 sides. Both sides of the bigger horseshoe were against a wall; she sat near the back on one side, and by the time the room had filled, there was a space on either side of her. Not too many spaces in between people though, so it could just as easily be that she got there late and had to sit where she did; there's at least a potential alternative explanation.

The most recent lecture, however, was completely different. This time it was just rows and columns of tables, all separated, with two to a table, everyone facing the same way. She sat in the back right corner, alone again, when there were plenty of tables with only one other person at them (I sat in the back left corner, only realising when she answered a question). She even had her stuff spread out all over the table; she clearly wanted to sit alone, perhaps even knowing no one would sit near her.

I'm just noticing things here, and I could be proven totally wrong in the next few weeks, but it's just odd to see someone being even more antisocial than me. I mean, in the second lecture, she even put her feet up on the table. I fucking hate rules and authority, but I'd never even think of doing that! On one hand, that's fucking awesome disrespect right there :P  But it's also another sign of the apathy I don't like in her. If she doesn't give a fuck what the lecturer thinks about her feet being on the table, I get the impression that she's not gonna give a fuck about my feelings if I decide to communicate with her on any level :P  That's not to mention that I didn't get any funny feelings or butterflies in my stomach when I saw her on either occasion... maybe I don't feel for her anymore? I almost wanna see her happy just so I can feel that rush again, or so I can know if it's real.

I don't know if it's a good idea, even if I disregard the existing reasoning. Will it even make her happy? Or comfortable? I mean, she can't be that shy; if she wasn't shy, she wouldn't be putting her feet on the table and she wouldn't put her hand up to answer the lecturer's questions :P  I dunno.

I still wanna sit next to her.

Hypersensitivity: The Kind a New Type of Toothpaste Won't Fix

I love this motherfucker: so blunt, so brutal, so funny. Need moar. Moar.

Anyway, onto the point. I'm getting kind of sick of my mentality. This ridiculous "everything's so hard and I'll never amount to anything" bullshit, it's gotta stop somewhere. I overreact to so much stimuli (in terms of positivity and negativity), and what little it's now taking to get me into a hypo/hyper active state is absurd.

Like, about an hour ago, I saw some post on Facebook about my ex getting back from some trip she went on. I instantly feel anxious and tense, feeling the need to close every Facebook tab I have open, stop writing the comedy I was working on, and play Tetris to get my mind off it. Seriously, the fuck? My ex got back from a trip—why do I feel weird because of that? It's nothing that should make me feel uncomfortable. And it took little more than even seeing her name to set me off in the first place; again, why? Am I going to feel funny every time I see her name? I'm making way too many connections with what I'm seeing. I have an ex + I see her name = I remember that I had a failed relationship = I realise I was part of something that failed = I think I'm a failure. The 87 I got in my HSC Advanced Maths is fucking with me here—this isn't exactly the outcome my maths teacher had in mind when she was teaching :P

Another instance of overreaction came a few days back when I saw that some other girl I liked ages ago is travelling in Europe. Again, all it took was the sight of her name and the mention of the activity, and I was in over my head. This wasn't so much a depressive episode as it was a blind rush of energy, leading me to get out of my chair and pace around for a bit talking to myself, but it's still fucking retarded that it made me react that much. Some young woman I met is in a different continent—whoopde-fucking-do! This doesn't relate to me; it's not important to me; I'm not part of the picture. Why am I freaking out over stupid shit like this? Again, drawing conclusions. I liked her, got rejected, managed to move on by finding someone else, but lost all that; now, I know she's enjoying herself in another part of the world, taking on responsibility I never could and doing things I wouldn't have the courage to do in a million years. I picture her in bars, drinking, dancing, meeting people, having a good time—the very atmosphere I feel uncomfortable in—and I don't have the slightest fucking clue what she's doing! I'm just guessing, and the guesses are practically based on what I know will make me feel bad about myself. I'm effectively going nuts when I picture her doing something our age group just does, something normal, that I'm afraid of. You know you're in over your head when you're overreacting to things whose nature as nonexistent merit them no reaction whatsoever :P

The negative filter I see myself through is becoming the default, and I don't want that. I've always been one to believe that so long as I recognise that there's a problem with my perspective, it is not beyond self-repair. If I delve into self-depreciation any further, it's going to quicken the exponential downward spiral; and that's what this is: a self-accelerating image problem. I see something that provokes a negative thought, I feel bad because I infer far too much from the data, and that just happens over and over. I use to think of like a waveform with peaks and troughs, but the peaks are getting higher and the troughs lower. I'm getting more sensitive to things; I have to become less sensitive in order to live more comfortably as a young adult. I have to indulge in these "mature things" people my age do to become OK with doing them. My eating habits are kinda hardwired into me now, so they probably won't change; consumption of drugs and alcohol... maybe, if I feel comfortable with it; driving... I guess I'll have to eventually. But going to a bar or something with friends to hang out? For fuck's sake, that only requires me to show up; and, I mean, my friends will be there, so it couldn't be that bad, could it? I mean, if I wanna meet a girl, this is the way to do it! Pussy isn't gonna come to my front door and say "Here I am! :D"—doesn't happen that way :P

Most of the dreams and desires I have are of relatively plain things, at least as far as I can tell. I mean, last night, I dreamed of going out for dinner with some blonde woman in a red dress who I'd never seen before. She was drinking red wine and laughing at things I was saying (no clue what we were eating, lol); then we went back to her place and started making out. Upon her realisation of where this was headed, she nervously told me she'd never had sex before. I said that I hadn't either, she smiled, then we made love. ...seriously, does anyone else my age have dreams like that? To me, that's something a fucking 30 year old does, not me :P Don't get me wrong; I have crazy dreams too. I once envisioned going on stage at the Apollo (which has the word 'APOLLO' written in lightbulbs across the back wall), grabbing the mic stand, and smashing the lights of the two L's and the two O's, right before proceeding to talk about iPhone apps... that is, until I realised Apollo has only one P in it... it's a good thing I dreamed about that before I got a chance to do it, or I would have looked like a right cunt :P  But, just in terms of my personal and social life, what I want is rather ho-hum. If I went out every few weeks and let go, I'd be happy with that. Eventually, I'd probably grow accustomed and want to party all the fucking time, but at least I'd be going places and doing stuff.

I've thought about doing comedy more and more too. I'm writing amendments to an hour-long show I did last year for about 50 students from my high school (which sucked, hence the amendments :P), and I'm really looking forward to recording the material and putting my uncensored, full-length show on YouTube. It just goes to show that all I need is something to look forward to and I'm fucking set. I mean, I obviously need to work towards it too, but the push to work comes from the desire to see the outcome, so that's taken care of already. I might even ask my UniBar if I can perform there. I've got a few 'safe' bits that I know will work, that have been tested on audiences before; if that goes well, I could experiment more and develop my own unique voice and tone. It makes me really happy to dream about being on stage at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, or the Montreal Festival, or the Edinburgh Festival, or on any TV broadcast, and push every boundary they put in front of me. I don't know if I ever will (it's a bit silly thinking any exposure this comedy video will get will somehow get me shortlisted for a comedy festival :P) but I like to think about it, so I will. Too often, I tell myself that these dreams are unattainable; but they're only certain to be unattainable if I don't work towards them at all. A little work can turn into a lot more :)

I have a friend who also blogs, and she's blogged quite a lot about the efforts she's made to lose weight and lead a healthier life. Every entry has her achieving more and more, pushing herself to the next level, progressing to new heights, and getting closer to her ultimate goals. The cynic in me sees this and says "exercise is only pausing the clock; all the life you earn through a good diet and exercise you effectively waste through counting calories and running in circles :P"... then he also says "but you can't say shit because you're a lazy cunt, and while people call her 'beautiful', no one will ever think you to be the hottest guy in the room because you look like you belong in a science classroom teaching children about their skeletal structure—I mean, a woman could mistake your right arm for your dick and still call you impotent :P". First off, who's the real cunt: me or him :P  But, more importantly, she's making a conceited effort to improve herself and she's succeeding. She's got to put in the hard yards but they fucking pay off; and it also gives her more energy and motivation to keep at it! Just like I have a negative exponential spiral that's pushing me downwards, she has a positive exponential spiral that pushes her upwards; sure, she still fucks up and makes mistakes, but it's still a general trend of improvement.

I hate all that "turn that frown upside-down", "don't stop believing in yourself" semantics bullshit—anyone trying to fuck me around with empty language like that is a deluded faggot who needs their fucking head pulled out of their arse—but I want to appreciate the concept of self-betterment and see it as an alternative to persistent self-depreciation. In one of the bits I'm doing for this comedy video of mine, I talk about my high school reference (or 'letter of recommendation') and how everything it says is a complete load of shit. My approach to study was not "conscientious and thoughtful", I did not display "school and house spirit", and I am not a "genuine, quiet" person ('quiet', in an employment context, is just a synonym for 'submissive' :P). It's a self-depreciative bit, but it's because the school is lying; they are the target of the humour. When I beat myself up because I'm too lazy or unmotivated to do anything beneficial, that's a whole different story—it's still self-depreciative, but I'm lying to myself. It's not humourous at all; and I'm bullshitting myself out of hard work and trying new things simply because I can't be bothered. That's just plain derpy :P

I guess I just want to better myself and see improvement in my life, see dreams actually come true and stuff. I want to hold my girlfriend by the waist and slow-dance with her while staring into her eyes and indulging in her natural smile, but I can't fucking do that without meeting the bitch first, can I :P  I wanna get on TV and explore new comic ground, but I can't do that unless I walk onto a stage somewhere and get myself seen, can I :P  I wanna actually be able to enjoy nights out rather than sitting to the side being uncomfortable (or simply not going at all), but I'm not gonna do that without letting myself fall victim to potentially shitty music and a pool cue to the back of the head, am I :P

Even as I write this, I feel happy, like I have potential. I know I can't let it go to my head and become arrogant or too complacent (fallen for that one too many times :P) but there's a big difference between a realistic outlook on one's future and simply assuming you'll get the worst possible outcome in any given scenario :P

Now... how to maintain this mindset forever... >.>

Ignorance: Avoided by Reading More than one Book.

Yesterday, I opened my mailbox to find a pamphlet that says 'Jesus Christ: HE IS YOUR ANSWER' in my mailbox. I read it cover to cover. It sounded like propaganda, it had no real substance to its message, and it made Christians look incredibly ignorant—pretty much what you'd expect from the mentally inept people who usually spout this crap. It's not the fact that it promoted a religion that made it stupid; it's the fact that the people who wrote it were clearly retarded and had no clue as to the reality of the world around them. More on that piece of shit later.

I've been thinking about religion quite a bit lately. To put it simply, I think the aim of all religions is to fool, control and abuse the intellectually inept and those who can't properly critically think. Its goal is to regulate and manipulate, not to save like they so often claim. If you need to stick a label to my forehead, I am an agnostic (in terms of god in general), and an atheist (in terms of the Abrahamic God).

This said, however, I do not automatically hate or even dislike someone if and when I find out they have faith in a religion of some form—this alone does not make someone worth hating or disliking. The moment they say something of pure religious conviction that contradicts scientific knowledge or basic common sense, I usually lose respect for said person very, very quickly. Two of my closest friends are both Christians, and I don't know what I would have done without them. They've helped me countless times when I was in need, without banging on about their shit; they're both intelligent, caring people, regardless of their faith. So I don't develop disdain for a person simply because of their religious background—only on one's actions and intentions do I judge someone.

Even my first (and, at this stage, only :P) girlfriend is Christian. I knew of her faith before we started dating, but I couldn't care less at the time. Did it honestly matter? I couldn't have given less of a shit about her beliefs back then, even though I didn't share them; it blew me away that she'd put aside our differences just so we could be together. It never came between us, not for a long time. I knew it probably meant she would be unwilling to explore sexual avenues, but this was our first relationship, and it lasted little more than six months. I wasn't going to ask anyway, because religious or irreligious, we weren't ready for that kind of intimacy, and discussing it would just have made her uncomfortable. I was lucky to be with her at all; far be it from me to push things :P

Well, as much as I understood that, I was still going to play "Bash the Bible Basher".

Skip ahead about four months. By this time, I'd become wrapped up in more controversial stand-up comedians, starting with George Carlin, and moving on to Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, etc. Anyone familiar with even the gist of their work will cite its dark, cynical, anti-authoritarian nature; and that's what I became: darkly cynical and anti-authoritarian :P  I quickly grew to internally criticise religion, writing more and more on the subject in short monologues. At the same time, our year was doing some kind of life skills program (I would have thought you got those by... living... life... o.O). Among the workshops was one on homosexuality, and its tolerance in society—a few gay people came in to discuss their experiences, and would answer any questions the group had. My then-girlfriend was in the same group as me, so we did the workshop at the same time. After it ended, we left the building. Upon reaching the area where we hung out, I was about to reek of bigotry:

"Well, that was a bit pointless for you, wasn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're Christian, so you think gay people are all going to Hell anyway."

...see what I mean :P  I've more or less jumped to the conclusion she's homophobic based purely on her supposed religious beliefs. Now, I can't remember this conversation word for word, but it went something like this:

"Well, it's not like I hate gay people or anything——"

"Yeah, but you think they go to Hell just because they're gay."

"Well, I do think homosexuality is a sin, but that doesn't mean——"

"According to you, people go to Hell if they sin even once. Isn't that putting them on the same level as murderers?"

She now has tears in her eyes. She starts to cry, albeit holding back the tears to speak:

"I don't think gay people are on the same level as murderers; that's not what I think at all. It's not like I think gay people be punished in the same way murderers are; it's God who views all sins as equal, not me. I don't think gay people should be treated like murderers or anything like that. It's God's job to judge them, not mine."

At this point, it has come to my immediate attention that I am being a dick—an arrogant, bigoted, convoluted dick :P  I basically attacked her for what she might have believed, and for some pretty extreme potential beliefs at that. She wasn't a Bible basher at all, yet I treated her like one all the same. Realising what I'd done:

"...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that; it wasn't right——"

She then held her arms out, beckoning me towards her. I went to her, and she hugged me, tighter than she ever had before. I wrapped my arms around; I started to unwrap them about 10 seconds later, but she was still clinging on, so I stayed with her, still not aware of the full impact my actions were to have. It's a cruel irony that one of the closest moments we had came as a result of me being a dimwitted, overly-judgemental fucknugget. It frightens me to think that this event may have destroyed her feelings for me—it's not like I didn't deserve it, but it's still unnerving for me to think the only argument we had was this intense, and that from that point onwards, things weren't really the same. We never fought before this, about anything.

I mention this story because I know a lot of atheists and agnostics like to take the moral highroad and say 'we never try to force our beliefs on other people, unlike you religious bastards!' As my story demonstrates, this isn't true—it's all on the individual. I was the one being a bigoted cunt here, unlike the religious person, who had never tried to lay her beliefs on me a day in her life. Her parents had invited me to her Youth Group thing when we started dating, but that's as far as the word spread, so to speak.

Not too long after that, school finished, and she went on a trip to the United States to see relatives for about a month. She came over to my house once before she left, and we exchanged Christmas presents. She got me a Super Mario Chess Set—she evidently knows what I like, because that was awesome. I got her a necklace—I wanted to get her a copy of an anime film I'd heard about that was based off a series she liked, but couldn't find the damn thing anywhere :P  This, when I look back on it, makes it apparent to me that the relationship hadn't been too damaged by what I'd said. We kept in touch while she was over there over MSN, and nothing seemed awry. When she got back, however, she wasn't open to me at all. I knew it was over by the weekend, and the following Monday, I had to get someone else to give me the bad news because she wouldn't tell me. The best six months of my life ends here.

Months later, I was still trying to get over it. I'd left my friend group, going to the library at recess and lunch rather than outside to see them. Meanwhile, she started going out with a friend of mine; this I only found out about the day before our Year 12 Formal, so you can imagine how shitty I felt about that :P  Thing is, they split only two months after they'd started going out. I remember the day I saw 'Relationship Status: Single' printed on his Wall: I was fucking ecstatic. It was that simplistic, competitive animal inside of me looking at the numbers and gloating in his defeat. "I went out with her for longer than you, I did more stuff with her than you, I was closer to her than you; I win, you lose >:D". A dickish thing to think, most certainly; but when you're down, you'll look for anything to pick you up. From what I understood, she simply didn't like him as much anymore, and they'd been talked into it somewhat by friends, so it was nothing out of the ordinary.

Now skip ahead another six months to a random meetup with friends (little more than two weeks before the publishing of this entry). I'm well and truly past this shit now, and he and I are still friends—I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know I thought that way about him :P  The subject of their relationship was brought up (while he wasn't around, if I recall correctly) and it was mentioned that my ex's parents pressured her into leaving him because he wasn't Christian.

That fucked with my head, big time. My mindset instantly changed. Granted, I was no longer thinking "Haha, I'm better than you"—that mindset was limited to the night I'd seen the Facebook announcement—but my mind was now at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Now, I felt enraged at the situation: he got royally fucked over. Shit, she got royally fucked over! He got judged prematurely by her fundamentalist, intolerant parents (who seemed to be fine with me, from my experience with them), and she got fucked out of making her own goddamned decisions. She was 18 by the time they'd started dating. She's an adult. She can think for herself. She decides who she does and doesn't go out with. This friend of mine isn't a drug dealer, nor a violent criminal, nor a rapist, nor a scumbag; he wouldn't do anything to hurt her; he's not a bad person. He did nothing to deserve the judgement he received.

And no, this isn't the chauvinist in me trying to step in and valiantly defend my fair lady; I'm not trying to win her back in any sense by appealing to some code of morality. The fact of the matter is that her fucking parents have no place deciding who their adult daughter does and doesn't go out with. There are only two prerequisites for a relationship here: Person A wants to go out with Person B, and Person B wants to go out with Person A. That's the end of the process. If she decides on her own that she doesn't want to go out with a man who isn't Christian, so be it. The point still stands: she goes out with whoever the fuck she wants to go out with. Shit, if I'm not right for her, can she at least be free to choose my fucking replacement?

It disgusts me that her parents have that much influence, that anyone has that much influence in deciding the outcome of a relationship other than the people involved. It's clear abuse of the "Honour thy Mother and Father" commandment; just because it's there doesn't mean parents have the right to be uptight, ignorant, judgemental cunts.

Because that's what this shit does to some people: it fucks their minds right up. It destroys their ability to think properly and actually deal with situations rationally; it permanently tarnishes their perspective on everything. Her parents may have disagreed with her choice to date an irreligious guy, and even expressed their opinions to her—that's their right as people—but I'll be damned if I'm going to think it appropriate for them to fucking interfere with her dating life. And I mean, this doesn't even affect me, yet I took it so personally when I heard about it because I probably fell victim to the same bullshit. I bet you anything that while she was in the U.S., her extended family advised her to leave me. I'd put my life on it. Whilst I had most certainly changed as a person, and become a lot less like the person she liked, the reasoning of 'I just don't find him fun to be around anymore' could have simply been a cover-up for the true reasoning. For now, however, I believe what I've been told—my ex has never been one to lie.

I'm evidently angry about this, which itself irritates me a little: this is all so minor in the grand scheme of things, yet I feel so strongly about it. I don't think ill of my ex for any of this at all; as I've said, she was just as much a victim of her parent's ignorance as my friend was, and as I may have been. It's all in the past, and it's just one small part of my life; but it's still someone's feelings they were toying with, and, at least in my friend's case, what was done was revolting. Being dumped is hard enough as it is, but if it was her decision, I'd have no reason to feel angry. Being dumped with reasoning this poor, on the other hand, is just fucking cruel.

This is when I begin to hate religious people: when the exercise control over their subjects for the sake of their own hate. It's ignorant meddling, and those who meddle ignorantly should be treated like the unenlightened knobs that they are. I learned from my mistake when I called my ex a homophobe, and I apologised for my intolerance because I knew what I did was very wrong and hurtful. She deserved absolutely none of the hate that came out of my mouth, not a fucking word of it. The more fundamentalist religious folk, however, preach till they die, and never realise how ignorant they or their words are, even when they're presented with the evidence.

This brings me to the pamphlet. I scanned it with a magic scanning machine to show it to you:

This is the front cover. Not much to say about it—standard fundie-Christian fare. Now, what is Jesus Christ my answer to? Did I ask these people a fucking question? If I'd asked "What's the name of the man who Christians believe died for their sins 2,000 years ago?", then yeah, Jesus Christ would be my answer. But I didn't ask that question. I didn't ask these people any goddamned questions. Is this Jeopardy by mail-order? Do they send me the answer so I can send them the question?

You see, I was under the impression that Christians thought accepting Jesus into your life was the solution to the problem of sin, not the answer to a fucking question. Devalues the guy a tad, don'tcha think? They evidently respect Him about as much as they do the language.

Also, gotta love the choice of red as the highlighting colour—you know, the same colour as the Devil, hellfire, blood, anger, lust, rage, and evil. Well, at least it's honest!

The first page—where the madness really begins. Now, firstly, why bother quoting the Bible to try and convince me that God is real and that Jesus died for my supposed sins? I believe the Bible was thought up by men thousands of years ago with the intent of tricking people into following their bigoted command from beyond the grave—the point's fucking moot because the book has no credibility to me.

Next up, the classic "Here's how it is, folks!"—making statements and assertions without a shred of fucking evidence to back your point up. God made us, did he? Prove it. You can't? Then stop talking.

Also sick of this "We are sinners by default" nonsense. Really? So, even foetuses are sinners? The fuck did a foetus do to you? To anyone? Yeah, it might have given its mother morning sickness and a bit of swelling, but was that its fault? Why are we sinners right off the bat? And, if we're below God's standards by His design, why the hell are we expected to meet His standards in the first place? Is He incapable of lowering His standards, or producing us to a better standard? To quote Lenny Bruce:

"If God created the body, and the body is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer."

Just replace 'dirty' with 'sinful', and there goes your point.

Then we get to the diagram. God likes His metaphors, and He likes them blunt. And stupid.

First off, since when did God live in a forest next to a cliff? Is that Heaven? That's a shithouse Heaven, man. God can do better than that. Where are the fluffy clouds? And the golden harps? And the pearly gates? There aren't any fucking gates, not even a fence or a roof! Shit, you could fly a plane over the top, jump out, and land in this Heaven! What kind of Heaven can be broken into via parachute!? Total fail.

Also love the bridges we've apparently been trying to build. Let's get one thing straight across the board: this diagram assumes we do all these things to reach the Abrahamic God. This assumes He is there to be reached; this alone could be false. In reality, these things may be practised without the intent of reaching God (with the exception of non-Abrahamic religions). In reality, these things are usually practised to either advanced society or because it's seen as the right thing to do. Must have been hard for them to type this with their heads stuck so far up their arses.

Morality: wait, what? Morality isn't a good way to reach God? Doing things you believe to be right and acting in a morally righteous manner to people doesn't mean anything to Him? Well, I suppose you could look at the way some fundamentalist Christians act and talk sometimes, and agree with that one :P  But... isn't there a Christian morality? What about that morality? That one sucks too? Damn, I guess all moralities must be awful. Well, at least I'll have no need to think of other people when I act now that I'm saved!

Religion: Wow. Just wow. I can't even begin to process the amount of irony they managed to cram into the presence of that one word. Let's get this straight, shall we? Oxford Dictionary defines religion as: 

the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods

Does Christianity involve belief in and the worship of a personal God? Why, yes, it does! Therefore, Christianity is a religion; and, according to this diagram, religion doesn't let us get to God. We're not even two thirds down the first page, and they've already gone and completely fucked their argument. But, for the sake of humour, let us continue.

I'm sick of these faggots who try to separate their own religion from all the others by not classifying it as religion. The dictionary and the nature of context makes you incorrect. Even if your religion is correct, it is still a religion. Please get over yourselves. I'm pretty sure arrogance of that calibre is frowned upon by your God.

Good Deeds: see Morality (note to author: they're practically synonyms, for fuck's sake >.< ).

Philosophy: hahahahaha—oh, you're serious. Let me, a Philosophy student, school you. A key area of Philosophy is the concept of logic (the study of correct reasoning). Part of logic is mathematical logic (logic involving mathematical symbols). Without this, they wouldn't have the computer they typed this on, nor the printer they printed it with, nor the resilient architecture of the churches they worship in. Then there's the linguistic element of philosophy, without which they wouldn't have the ability to communicate with their computer nor their fellow Christians. That's not to mention the impossibility of such texts as the Bible, which I gathered was their lovechild from all the quoting they've been doing. This is, of course, ignoring the fact that there have been, and are, devout Christian philosophers—Immanuel Kant is a fantastic example. Way to insult one's own kind.

And all this has been done without success? Well, what does one do when they try something, wishing to succeed, but fails in the process? They try again. People will continue to attempt advancing society via these means forever, Bible or no Bible, God or no God. One day, we might find the key answer people have been searching for, whatever it is, if there is one—it may or may not lie in the hands of God.

Oh, but look! Apparently, we can build a bridge—with a novelty-sized cross. The symbolism hits deep, doesn't it. Also love that it's not Sinful People, it's just Sinful Man. Chicks must get a free pass—can't say Christianity beats down on women's rights now, can you, ladies?

OK, first off, the bridge itself is impassable. I can get about 40% of the way over the bridge, then I run into the tip of the cross. Meanwhile, those amoral, Jesus-reject plane-flying motherfuckers can still get in without a problem. Is there a ladder? A lift? Suction cups or something? Same goes for getting down the other side—do we abseil down? Is there a water slide? A slippery dip? I ain't never seen no cross with a goddamned slippery dip. That's because there is no slippery dip. That's because you don't build bridges out of crosses. And anyway, how wide was the cross that Christ was crucified on? Stretch your arms out as wide as you can—there's your answer. That's hardly a large gap. People can't jump that? Or find a plank of wood that long somewhere? Just take a plank off the actual cross! Damn, the security in this place is worse than at APEC '07. 

I also see more Bible quotes; these I shall explore for you. Gotta love the claim that sinners are all wicked, greedy, depraved, envious, murdering, disobedient, lying, malicious, gossiping, slandering, God hating, insolent, arrogant, boastful inventors of evil operandi. Wow! That's not not a wicked, depraved, malicious, slanderous, arrogant, boastful thing to say at all! Then, the next quote says "no one can boast about [having faith]." Yeah, ragging on those you want to save, not boastful in any way. Implicit braggin' is still braggin'. Any author of scripture, God or otherwise, knows that if you're gonna contradict yourself, you have to do it on different pages.

God demonstrates his love for us by having Christ die for us? No—God demonstrated his love for us by having Christ die for us. Get your tense straight, yeesh (waits for someone to find a temporal error in this entry :P).

And Jesus answered what, exactly? More fucking questions I didn't ask! Is there a question in the previous quote? That's not a question; that's a statement, an assertion, a proposition. This stuff really isn't hard to grasp—there are kindergarteners more linguistically enlightened than these pricks.

Back cover. I can choose to cross—I see what you did there! Credit where credit's due; that was a good one.

...wait... I can choose to cross? I cannot build the bridge? What must I do? Like, the author's referring to themselves in the first person? What? Well, if it's what they must do, why the hell are they sending it to me! They should send it to themselves!

"...repent then, and turn to God"... no, you turn to God first, then you repent! Who are you repenting to if not to God? The atmosphere? Don't you know it's polite to look at someone when you talk to them?

And why does this pamphlet feel the need to tell me what Heaven and Hell is? I live in a country where 66% of the population aligns themselves with some form of Christianity, and we get most of our media from a country where 80% does the same. I know this shit, man! I don't live under a rock—and if I did, I'd make damn sure I didn't have a mailbox so I didn't find crap like this in there when I got home.

I also need to mention, just in case anyone is unaware, that the whole CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL thing is actually sarcasm. These people must have thought it was serious. We learned types have a pretty dry sense of humour at times, don't we ;)

And what's this about helping me grow? What man doesn't know how to grow? Every man knows what turns him on; we can take care of this ourselves, thank you very much. Or did they mean grow taller? God's not gonna help kids grow taller. Kids grow taller until they hit their 20s, then they stagnate, then they start shrinking at 50. God's not gonna interfere with that process. Don't give kids false hope like that—every kid wants to be tall. Hey, at least they know what the kids want, right? They're all kinds of hip, and they're most certainly down with it, if I may say so myself.

I laughed when I saw it was from a Korean church. Living in Australia and seeing that was just funny for me; I don't really know why. If Australian Koreans wanna practise Christianity, that's cool, go right ahead; just do a better job of proselytising next time. Throw some evidence in the mix! It helps :)  Koreans practising a Middle Eastern religion in black man's country that was taken over by white Europeans—multiculturalism at work, 'eh?

Getting to the point: my main problem with this garbage is that it doesn't tell me a damn thing. I know Christians believe I'm a sinner and that I need to accept God and Jesus to be saved; what new information does this pamphlet present to me? None. No presented evidence, no compelling argument, nothing of any value; just drivel that I've heard a million times over. It's sad to think these people are under the impression that they're saved—if God is real, and He lets people this stupid in to Heaven... fuck it, leave me out. The Devil might be a cunt, but if he shares a flat with Christopher Hitchens, Charles Darwin, Mahatma Ghandi, Frank Zappa, and the aforementioned comedians, I think I'll crash with them, rather than these silly bastards who think they're headed to a magical forest upon death.