Picture this: you're standing in front of 800 people, about to address them. No one knows what you're going to do; they know you're going to say something, but only a select few have any real insight as to what you plan to spout. You're nervous, and rightly so; you could get in trouble! You could fall in to a hole too tall to climb out of! You could fall so far that any hope of seeing daylight again would be totally and utterly destroyed by the inbound darkness! You could get in to some deep shit -- real deep shit -- but you are determined to get up there and speak. The previous speaker gives you the microphone, and the audience expects just another message, only to be met with an unusual and seemingly random comment about a linguistic folly, then a joke about a fence. The audience is now laughing and cheering harder than you could ever imagine (you didn't think it was that funny) as the big boss takes the microphone from you, proceeding to talk for 5 minutes about how it's wrong to waste people's time.
This was me at 11:15 this morning.
To make that a lot clearer for those of you who don't attend my educational facility, what I've just described was this weeks installment of our weekly assembly, and it differed from the norm in the fact that I got up and made a political comment regarding our (Australia's) indigenous culture and its acknowledgment, as well as a crack about a fence that's being installed all the way around the facility I attend. This was met with an incredible and seemingly unbelievable reaction from my audience, as well as disapproval from our facility's head honcho. 15 seconds of applause and a 10 minute one-on-one talk with the aforementioned honcho is a fair price to pay for a minute of stage time :P I'm a (wannabe :P) comedian: when I see 800 people sitting and listening to the reproduction of the sound traveling in to a microphone that it seems just about anyone is allowed to use for a minute or so, what the fuck do they expect me to do?
I'll put the two comments in context; the first comment deals with indigenous relations in my country. At each public gathering that any government body oversees, a representative reads aloud the "Acknowledgement to Country," a passage that (supposedly) recognises the former sole residents of this country -- the British colonised the country in the late 1700s and early 1800s, and needless to say, the indigenous people didn't have much fucking input :P This is all well and good -- at least, in theory, provided the intention is to advance indigenous reconcilement rather than just being a doohickey that relieves the government of guilt -- and I support this acknowledgement, however, its wording is poor. The expression I question is the part where the indigenous people are referred to as the "owners" of the land, which, according to documented history, they are not; they believed the land to be an entity that they were one with, not a commodity to be bought, sold or exploited. Ownership is a European term and a European concept; thus, I see no place for it in such an acknowledgement -- to quote George Carlin: "...we do think in language, and so the quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language." This comment go no reaction, just as I expected, for it actually made the audience think for a goddamned second! They didn't see it coming, but it wasn't just to get the brains in the audience rolling; more was to follow :P
Comment two: the fence. As I mentioned before, there's a fence going up all the way around our little facility: the "vertical bar" variety in a nice shade of black. I think this too is stupid; not so much because of the fence's purpose -- to "keep out unwanted guests" according to the officials the project has been mandated by, but it's there just as much to keep students in; believe me :P -- but because of its look. No, the facility isn't an art project, but it looks shitty enough as it is: we've got this dull grey paint covering the buildings (installed after I started attending, covering an otherwise tolerable navy,) all the students are (expected to be :P) in uniform, and there are even bars covering some of the windows; does this place need to look more like a prison? It was this line that sparked my implicit dismissal as I was relieved of the microphone to the tune of uproarious applause; I hate to mention it repeatedly, but it was fucking insane! I expected a chuckle here and there, but nothing like what actually happened! This too probably spelled the end of my little tirade; God forbid the students hear and share the opinion of someone they can relate to :P
This was followed by head honcho going on about how the assembly isn't a platform for political commentary, and that such banter is a waste of time... what the fuck? I see people get up there week after week and spout all kinds of shit about women's rights and the third world -- important issues, no doubt -- but I can't take the piss out of a fence!? I can't comment on something more relevant to these people? Not to mention the fact she rambled on about this for five times the amount of time I spent with my little crusade; is that hypocrisy, or is that hypocrisy? Wanna make it clear that the assembly's time isn't to be wasted? SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT! I'd speak of the 10 minute conversation head honcho and I had afterwards... but we'd be here all day :P
What amazes me is the plethora of attention this has sparked in not only me and my "balls of steel," but the presented issues themselves. My friend tells me that Facebook is alive with conversation; mission completed! That was the whole fucking idea: to get people thinking! I won't lie: it was also an ego trip, and a damned good one -- it's not everyday you have students coming up to you telling you the materials out of which your testicles have been constructed in their metaphorical world :P If you're gonna get up and speak, I feel you should be proud of what you have to say and embrace it, not to mention stick behind it, even if your views have changed. Take it in -- you only live once! That, however, was just as much a goal as the discussion was, and if people are talking about these issues and taking an interest, my work is done. I don't want to tell people how to think; I want to encourage people to think, as well as make people laugh. Views need to be challenged to be developed, and that goes for me as much as anyone else. Got a problem? Speak up; something cool might happen!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a few drums of insta-dry rainbow paint to acquire :D
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