Hopefully my next blog article will be more... interesting ;)
Probably not, unfortunately. But the one after this, the one probably going up in about 48 hours?* Definitely gonna be interesting. I'm serious: it'll blow your fucking mind, at least if you know me personally :P
*Change that to 'a week from now'; stuff came up, not my fault, I pwomise :P
It also feels somewhat petty to discuss what I have to discuss cos one of my other friends had someone quite close to them die, and another's been having numerous family issues (nothing huge, but still not optimal). Meanwhile, I'm over here going 'yup... everything's relatively cool over here. Nothing to complain about... nope.' I guess it sucks reading about that kind of stuff knowing that you can't really help, and that the person in question has to get through it on their own
Enough about that, though. Having been on what I suppose you could call a 'journey' of self-improvement over the last eighteen months, I think I've come pretty far. A lot of the things I wanted to achieve, I have: I've met new people, I'm more comfortable in social situations (which are also more frequent), and I'm less hesitant to act now than I was before, at least in most cases. I've come to realise that a lot of the things I set out to do have been done, so I've basically been having to make goals up as I go along. I didn't even realise this until a couple of minutes ago, to be honest—that's why I'm writing. Instead of having some master list of problems to solve in my head, I've been jotting things down sometimes and, with any luck, crossing them off sometime later.
And there are even some problems I'm solving without even realising I'm solving them. Like, the other week, I recognised someone from the games store in town, and I was like "excuse me, do you work at [store name]" and they were like "yeah, I do, actually!", and we started talking about games and stuff. Only when I got home did I realise what I'd done: I'd just talked to a stranger. Like, I talked to them first. I started that conversation.
As for new goals, one thing I've been thinking about lately is international travel. I've pondered the topic mostly because almost all my friends have gone overseas now (some on exchange through uni, some on purely personal trips). To be honest, I've never really wanted to go overseas, nor even leave my state. I don't care much for cultural tourism, at least not personally. There are no countries I'm dying to go to just so I can see their landmarks, experience their customs, eat their food (fuck that :P); there really aren't any aspects of visiting or living in another country that I wanna experience. Also, even if I did want to go to other countries or states, we've never really had the money to do that, so it's not something I've ever even had the option of doing. This is in addition to the regular 'food' and 'general scariness' objections I'd normally have to such an activity.
The thing is, given that being a stand-up comedian is a serious goal for me now, travel is, quite ironically, almost essential in moving up the latter. You can't be a comedian and perform at the same five open mics for the rest of your career; you have to go and perform for other people, lots of other people. And I think I'd be happy to travel if it was to work in that field. I'd love to go to the United States and tour around, performing at comedy clubs all over the country. To do the same in England, or even another European country with a sizeable English-speaking audience, would be pretty cool too. It's not like that's all I'd do—there are obviously some cultural things I'd engage in for each place I went to—but if I ever leave this country, the focus will almost certainly be performing stand-up.
A more achievable goal I've been thinking about is getting involved in comedy at uni, something I've mentioned on this blog several times before. People have repeatedly asked why I haven't contacted the Unibar about performing there, but I cannot bring myself to ask them for stage time when I'm the only one performing. It seems supremely arrogant to contact a bar asking if I can perform alone. My current set is five minutes long; I'm fairly sure if they're gonna put a comedian on stage, they're gonna want more than that. If there were other people willing to go up alongside me, I'd be happy for us to ask as a group, but I am literally the only person I know at that uni who does comedy in any way, shape, or form. I've also mentioned wanting to contact the student magazine offering to write satire, but haven't really done that either—I think the reason I cited for that is because each issue is about a particular theme, and I doubted any assurance on my part that I could joke about whatever theme they could throw at me.
However, if I approach this the right way, these two things (stand-up and written satire) might lead into one another. Let's say I contacted the student mag about writing satire (or just comedic stuff in general), and they took me on board, allowing me to write stuff; let's also say that, generally speaking, students actually liked my content. That would allow me to make a name for myself through a medium which already has an established audience. I can then use that success to go "hey, find my writing funny, I also do stand-up!" and either advertise an upcoming gig, or better still, trial a stand-up performance at uni itself. People will already have some idea of who I am, and (assuming success with the writing) people will like what I do, potentially wanting to see more. Bingo: I have a student audience for my stand-up! Hooray :) I wouldn't want to use the writing position just to advance my stand-up, as the writing experience would be rewarding in and of itself, a good way to branch out and try something new; but it does have the added bonus of potentially fulfilling another goal of mine.
There are legitimate fears on my part that have lead me to hesitate, potential outcomes I truly dread having to face as either a writer or a performer in the public eye. These aren't flippant excuses for not making more of an effort to get in touch with people; these are things I've thought about to the point of feeling depressed and/or crying (though the latter is a rarity—if I react negatively to these thoughts, I usually just feel blue). While I don't shy away from discussing ethical, political, and religious issues in my act, I don't want people to misinterpret my jokes for any sort of activism. However staunchly I may put forward an argument or defend a position, at the end of the day, they're just jokes. I don't want to be mistaken for an activist, or even someone who thinks he's super clever, cos I'm neither of those things. It's not like I believe I'm immune to criticism or anything; I just don't want to get involved in public disputes with people, or become someone who's explicitly asked to debate topics cos I'm well-known or perceived as knowledgeable. I'm happy to plant seeds of doubt and stimulate discussion, but in-depth examination of issues should be left to people who aren't complete fuckwits, AKA people who aren't me.
I also don't want to be in class and have the teacher or some student go "hey, Liam talks about stuff like this on stage! What do you think?" Dude, if I was willing to talk in class, I'd have done so by this point. Leave me the fuck alone to sit here in peace until class ends. I also really really don't want assholes walking up to me while I'm walking to class or hanging with friends, or at any other time, berating me for shit I've said or written cos they're offended or whatever. I don't wanna hear it, cos I don't fucking care :P
I still think it'd be a good thing overall, though, to get involved with that. I dunno if it'll actually happen—maybe the uni mag already has a satirist (I don't read the thing... I should probably read the thing :P), or maybe they aren't looking for one—but if it does happen, it should be worth it, despite the risks.
I went to my best friend's 21st this evening. It was a really good night: nothing went wrong, and I only felt uncomfortable when it came time to eat, which is the norm.
The food thing is actually the first topic I wanna discuss. I know there's a lot of food I find disgusting even though other people find delicious, and I know it's largely an issue of perspective and psychology, but I swear to god, some things are so repulsive that I can't imagine why I'd ever want to eat them. The birthday was at a steakhouse, so it's no surprise that people were eating steak. The person next to me ordered steak, so I got to see up close what it looked and smelled like. It was not good. It was not good at all. It didn't look very appetising, but meat products never have for me. It's just gross. It's not a moral concern on my part (I don't think I could give any less of a fuck about animals if I tried :P); it's purely a reaction to the textures I'm seeing.
Worse still was the smell: it smelt horrible! It smelt so fucking bad! Every time he cut into it, it let out this... wretched, repulsive odour. And I smelled it repeatedly: it didn't get better the more I smelled it. It was just terrible. This didn't ruin my evening, don't get me wrong--I wasn't freaking out or anything. I was just blown away by the magnitude of awful that meal smelled of. While I don't eat bread, fruit, or vegetables, those things at least look decent, and smell kinda nice. Certain types of bread can smell awesome, and fruit can look pretty tasty at times, even if I am averse to actually eating it. Meat though? Pretty much the worst fucking thing ever right now. Bacon looks and smells awful, beef looks and smells awful, chicken looks and smells awful... I'm seeing a pattern here :P I don't think I'll ever eat any dead animals. And I know that's OK, but it does mean that even if my eating habits do improve, I still have to be that fussy cunt who won't eat stuff :P
Also, this is relevant, and has the potential to be extremely relevant, for reasons I can't quite bring up yet. Argh :P
Anyway, that aside, let's look at the social side of things. It was pretty comfortable! I mean, I was surrounded by my friends, and it's my best friend's party, so obviously I'm gonna have all the funz. But it was easier than I would normally expect such an outing to be. On the way there, someone in the car said they were nervous about meeting new people. I wasn't nervous at all--like, I just wasn't. New people usually freak me out, but I honestly had no issue. I actually wanted to meet the new people, cos they've always sounded like amicable folks (and they were :D), so I wasn't nervous at all about meeting them for the first time, even though I never had before. I seem to be getting a lot better around people I don't know. And granted, the things I'm really scared of (cold introductions) weren't going to happen, so my worst fears couldn't possibly be realised. But I still managed to talk and joke with one of the new people (the other one wasn't too talkative, which is fair enough given he knew hardly anyone at the party), which is above and beyond what I normally expect of myself. I was never uncomfortable for any social reason, and I do mean never. I even pitched in and did one of the 'hip hip's when we were singing Happy Birthday and the person who originally said "hip hip" didn't quite commit to saying it three times. I never say 'hip hip'! Holy shit, dude! Come to think of it, I never even thought about potential social awkwardness, much less experienced it. Progress :D
The only thing I think I could've done better with is thinking of more elaborate ways to describe what I've been up to, seeing as that's such a common question at these things. I don't wanna bang on and on about stuff, but sometimes, I get home after going to an event, and think "man, I could've answered that question in more depth". It's also kinda hard when the person I'm talking to doesn't ask follow up questions, cos then the only way to keep going is to bang on and on, but what can you do, right?
So yeah, I had heaps of fun. Hopefully my next blog article will be more... interesting ;)
There are so many things I could write about right now. There are two things in particular, two closely related things, that I'd love to write about, but I really can't, at least not yet. I also don't really want to splurge all the info onto the internet where anyone can read it—a synopsis, perhaps, but not every last detail. The two situations do conflict with each other, and one situation is definitely going to be difficult to deal with, but I think that one's more likely to go well in the long run. The other situation is up in the air, though, with any luck, it will be slightly clearer within a few days. I can't talk about either situation in any more detail than that without risking the dissemination of info that may compromise either one (even if such a compromise is extremely unlikely). I've talked with my best friend about it all, so it's not something I can't talk about or don't want to talk about, but I don't want it out in public, and I don't think it needs to be out in public either, really. You may hear about each situation later on in some detail, but certainly not yet. All I can really say for now is that both situations have surprised me and have led me to do things I'd usually be scared of doing—I'm definitely making progress :)
Something I can talk about is an event the uni gaming society held recently. The event was basically a console event where people could bring their own consoles to play with, as well as play on the uni's consoles. Unfortunately, it was not very well timed (right before the Easter long weekend), nor was it very well advertised, so the event only had about twelve people down as guests, myself included. I was excited nonetheless, as I love bringing my hardware to play with people.
I originally wanted to being my Wii U, my Nintendo 64, and my monitor to use as a TV, as well as all the controllers for each one. The N64 controllers are oddly shaped and bulky as all hell, while the Wii U has so many different controllers and peripherals that it's difficult to get them all into a bag. And I was gonna have to carry all this stuff by myself: I have no licence, much less a car to drive. I ended up ditching the N64 because my monitor doesn't support composite input, which would've meant having to bring my DVD recorder to convert the composite signal to a component signal just so I could hook it up to the screen. Fuck carrying a huge-ass box just to convert a signal :P
I eventually settled on just bringing the Wii U and the monitor. To give you an idea of just how many peripherals the Wii U has (and I don't even own all the different types, mind you :P), it took two laptop bags to hold everything. I could've stuffed it all into the bigger bag, but I risked tearing the bag due to overstuffing or the sheer weight of it all. I then put the bags over my shoulder and carried the monitor in my hands to the bus stop. The monitor isn't light, either; it's an older LCD panel, and it has built-in speakers, so it's bulky compared to newer screens. It was so heavy that when I got to the bus stop and put it down, my arms felt like they weren't there. But I did it! My puny-ass muscles carried that sonofabitch for ten minutes without putting it down once.
I eventually got to uni with my stuff and went to the TV area, where the uni's consoles are. There weren't any tables set up or anything, so I was kinda confused. They were holding a PC event on the same day, so I went and spoke to them, and eventually, a few people showed up to organise the console dealie. I was given a table and a powerboard, so I set my stuff up while they got CoD and Halo running on the uni TV's. There were only one or two other people there for the event when it started (compared to the PC event which had about ten people there when I walked in the room), but I figured more would show up as the day went on.
Even though I feared a low turnout, I figured I should put 4 seats in front of the TV, so others could sit down with me. I'd brought hardware to previous gaming meet-ups and had almost no one play with me, and I figured putting seats there might increase the chances of some multiplayer happening, even if the chances of that were low. Turns out that was the best decision I made all day, cos people did show up and did play with me! Hooray! It was mainly the same people for most of the day, but some people dropped in later on, dropping out when they had to leave. I think I ended up playing with about six other people, mainly playing Smash Bros., but also playing some Mario Kart. I'm not really into Smash, but everyone else there seems to really like it (and I do mean everyone :P) so as a good host, I obliged. One guy even had a Gamecube controller in his bag, like it's something he just has with him at all times just in case there's a game of Smash happening :P
And not only did people play on my console, people pretty much only played on my console—I don't think there were many people, if any, who played CoD or Halo on the other TV's, at least not for very long. The TV room was deserted, while I had people playing with me the entire time I was there, save for the first ten minutes after I set stuff up. Granted, Smash Bros. is a crowd pleaser (as I said, everyone seems to fucking love it for some reason :P), but I was surprised I managed to draw everyone so successfully.
Also, it was way more successful on a social level than the meet-up thing I went to earlier in the term. I was never nervous, I conversed with people, I learned some names, and I think I did fairly well at managing the games and the hardware, making sure everyone had what they needed and everything. It became a little difficult later on as the group got bigger, cos it seemed like everyone there knew each other and I was the odd one out, but I was never totally excluded or anything. I didn't really make any new friends, but I made way more of an impression this time round, so perhaps if they do another console thing, or any other gaming thing, I'll recognise them (or they'll recognise me) and it can go from there. It made carting all that shit there totally worth it :D
Getting home was a bit annoying cos after I packed everything up, it started raining, which eventually turned into a thunderstorm. If there's one thing you don't wanna be doing in a rainy thunderstorm, it's carrying a fucking monitor :P Thankfully, I had a plastic poncho (an aptly named 'emergency poncho') to wrap the monitor up in, so I was good there. While I waited for the rain to subside a bit so I could get to the bus stop without getting totally drowned, one of the gaming society representatives apologised for the poor organisation and said that he hoped the next one would be better (as I said, shit timing + no advertising = ghost town). I hope so too.
If there's one other thing I'd be willing to bitch about, it'd be the relative lack of interest in Mario Kart. Not that it's anyone's fault—no one's obliged to be interested in Mario Kart. It's just that I love Mario Kart, in the same way that all the others seem to love Smash: I play it all the time, I know it back-to-front, I get competitive, and I like fierce competition. There just doesn't seem to be a community for it at uni. They have a Mario Kart tourney at the annual convention they hold, and it does draw people, but the Smash community is so big that they have their own separate meet-ups and everything. I'd love to cultivate more interest in Mario Kart if I could, but I don't really know if I can. I'd be more than happy to bring along hardware, organise tourneys, play different versions each time, or even play different racing games alongside Mario Kart if people wanted. But if the interest isn't there, then it won't happen. Oh well.
