Sick: I'm Sick of Being It (Sick, That is)

"Have you ever been sick for such a long time that you've actually forgotten what it feels like not to be sick? Sick is your default; 'tis your norm. You are sick."

Me

Quoting myself? You bet! I'm just that arrogant ;D

I am also, however, sick as a very sick dog. I'm not just "sick as a dog", because your average dog is almost completely healthy -- I'm waysicker than your average fuckin' dog :P

It always plays out the same for me:

Day 1: Abnormally high amount of phlegm in my throat. Day continues as normal.
Night 1: As I try to sleep (the gunk in my throat prevents this from actually happening), I feel my throat getting progressively sorer and more irritable.

Day 2: I wake up to feel my throat being gang-raped by every liquid in my body -- it burns like a Nazi bonfire.
Night 2: Due to the gunk invasion, sleep is nigh impossible until I completely run out of energy.

Day 3: Throat no longer burns, but sinuses are completely blocked -- I feel as though I'm lucky not to be drowning in a river of mucus.
Night 3: Sleep is a little easier, but the headache caused by the blocked sinuses (and not aided by the hours of Crash Bandicoot and Perfect Dark >.<) prevents true slumber comfort.

Everyday after that for the next two weeks sees the disease slowly remove itself from my body -- evacuation time is cut in half with some antibiotics. As much as I hate relying on them, I suppose I have to -- my natural immune system is probably some guy standing at the tip of my oesophagus armed with nothing but a garden shovel (a cheap one, too), perpetually scared out of his weak little mind.

I hate getting sick, though! I hate hate hate it! All day long, I have this burning desire to rip my own head off, get a toothpick, and rummage around every nook and cranny to remove any trace of goo and icky stuff. I don't like feeling as though my head is trapped in a fucking vice! At least if my balls are in a vice, they're never there for long -- this lasts days, and days, and days... not to mention I still have to live life as though nothing is wrong! Where's the quilt nestled tightly against my tummy to keep me warm? Where's my chocolate ice-cream and Demazin to keep me alive? Where's my Daria box-set to keep me entertained (I don't actually have that anyway... I want it though!)? Nowhere: that's where. Nowhere. Every morning, I have to wake up, accept the fact I'm an adult, and go to school, so I can give this bug to everyone in my fucking cohort, wanting to kill anyone who speaks louder than a whisper.

What pisses me off the most is that, as a performer, me getting sick = me getting a chainsaw and amputating all my limbs (it's possible if you plan it right). You simply can't perform very well, if at all, when you're sick. A little honey might kill the frog in the throat, and some painkillers relieve temporarily the headache, but the gunk ain't goin' nowhere no time soon, so you look and sound sick anyway! Thankfully, I don't have to perform for two weeks, but if I'm still sick when that day comes, I am sweet outta luck and jolly well fucked. Can you imagine doing ten minutes of non-stop talking and moving with a cold? You can? OK... try *thirty-five* minutes. That's what I'm up against in just over two weeks time: a half-an-hour extravaganza of potential comedy; and doing that with a cold simply ain't gonna be cool.

I've always wondered: "what would happen if I simply took all the antibiotics here and now? All twenty-four of 'em, down my gob in a jiffy... surely, the disease wouldn't stand a chance!" Well, I don't study biology (or any science, for that matter), but I'm pretty sure that'd fuck you up even worse than before :P  The antibiotics would eradicate the disease pretty damn quick, but all the antibiotics that didn't die in the epic battle would still be all pent up -- they didn't get to kill anything! They'd go ape-shit on my innards, releasing their rage by bashing and stabbing any organ or tissue they could find! You think having your throat gang-raped sucks? How about having your liver gang-raped; or your stomach; or your skin; or your brain!? That doesn't sound too good to me! Fuck that shit, man!