Ronery: Just Her Onry

I recently went back to uni. I've had two lectures so far; in both sat the girl I like.

Alone.

She sat by herself in both the lectures. It's kind of sad. I mean, I thought she had friends—I know she has friends because I've seen her with them, but I guess none of them are in these two lectures... which contain pretty much every student studying the same degree she is.

I mean, even I have at least one friend in this class; he's actually one of the two reasons I haven't taken the opportunity and sat next to her. He's going through a rough time as far as his health goes, so I'm not exactly gonna say to him "Hey, there's this cute girl I wanna get to know so I'm gonna go sit over here. Have fun being in pain and everything, hope that works out for you :)" That's a dick move :P

But the main reason is that it just seems creepy. Some dude who's never spoken to you all of a sudden decides to sit next to you? After he had three months to do that in the previous semester? When he knows and speaks to none of the people you do? That's also a dick move :P

I still want to sit next to her though. I mean, sitting by yourself in one class where you don't know anyone? Hell, I did that in a few lectures and tutorials last semester as well. But this semester, having a chance to start fresh, I decided to sit with a friend—surely she has friends in class by now. 

There were plenty of spaces next to people where she could have sat too; she seems to want to sit alone. In the first lecture, it was a double horseshoe table configuration: a horseshoe-shaped arrangement of tables in the middle, surrounded by a bigger horseshoe of tables along all 3 sides. Both sides of the bigger horseshoe were against a wall; she sat near the back on one side, and by the time the room had filled, there was a space on either side of her. Not too many spaces in between people though, so it could just as easily be that she got there late and had to sit where she did; there's at least a potential alternative explanation.

The most recent lecture, however, was completely different. This time it was just rows and columns of tables, all separated, with two to a table, everyone facing the same way. She sat in the back right corner, alone again, when there were plenty of tables with only one other person at them (I sat in the back left corner, only realising when she answered a question). She even had her stuff spread out all over the table; she clearly wanted to sit alone, perhaps even knowing no one would sit near her.

I'm just noticing things here, and I could be proven totally wrong in the next few weeks, but it's just odd to see someone being even more antisocial than me. I mean, in the second lecture, she even put her feet up on the table. I fucking hate rules and authority, but I'd never even think of doing that! On one hand, that's fucking awesome disrespect right there :P  But it's also another sign of the apathy I don't like in her. If she doesn't give a fuck what the lecturer thinks about her feet being on the table, I get the impression that she's not gonna give a fuck about my feelings if I decide to communicate with her on any level :P  That's not to mention that I didn't get any funny feelings or butterflies in my stomach when I saw her on either occasion... maybe I don't feel for her anymore? I almost wanna see her happy just so I can feel that rush again, or so I can know if it's real.

I don't know if it's a good idea, even if I disregard the existing reasoning. Will it even make her happy? Or comfortable? I mean, she can't be that shy; if she wasn't shy, she wouldn't be putting her feet on the table and she wouldn't put her hand up to answer the lecturer's questions :P  I dunno.

I still wanna sit next to her.