So I ended up going out with my mum and her boyfriend to the local bowling club on New Year's Eve. It was OK. My mum said there were usually way more people there, and I was definitely the only person my age in the entire building, so it was a bit less comfortable than I imagined it would be. But it wasn't horrible, not by any means. We mingled for a bit, then ate (got me some kick-ass cheese cake ^_^), and waited for the band to start playing. When they started, at about 10, I went home, and was home alone for about 5 hours, doing my own thing: that part was cool. I was freaking out when I woke up that morning, wondering if I celebrated New Year 'incorrectly', seeing as I went home early and didn't dance or anything when I was out, but that's absurd: there's no 'correct' way.
One mistake I did make was to have a nap before going out—bad fucking idea. I'm never in a good mood when I wake up :P I got myself together without really giving a shit cos I only wanted to go back to bed. I mean, I was pretty tired when I went to have the nap, so if I hadn't have had it, I would've been exhausted the entire time; but because I did have the nap, I was irritable for about an hour after I got up, an hour which didn't end until we'd been at the club for half an hour or so. Next time I'm due to go anywhere, no naps >.< If I need a jump start, I've gotta get energy some other way :P
I was introduced to several people over the course of the evening by my mum. Unfortunately, cos I was in that crappy mood, I was sorta stand-off-ish, definitely not feeling like talking to people I didn't know. So the nap fucked up a lot more than I thought it would. Though, at the same time, I also felt kinda immature and undeveloped around these people. Maybe it was just the mood I was in making me think this way, but having you mum telling people you've just started driving, or that you're here to pick up chicks, or whatever else, is embarassing. I might have taken it better if I'd been in a better mood, but there were times when I just wanted her to shut the fuck up about me. I was happy to stand there and listen to other people having conversations I wasn't a part of, but to be brought up made me feel ridiculous. Having your mum say "This is the first time Liam has used his ID!" to strangers isn't exactly the most encouraging thing to hear from anyone :P
I fared better during dinner. This friend of mum's sat down and had dinner with us. I talked to him while mum was gone, and that went way better than any of the previous interactions. I was more on the listening end than the talking end, but that was fine: I was happy to be in a conversation at all. I was definitely more comfortable now that I actually knew who I was talking to, rather than just being shown to strangers. We talked about movies and stuff during dinner, and I contributed somewhat, so I didn't totally fail there.
Introductions seem to be the thing I really need to work on.
Eventually, we went into the bar area and I sat down. While the band was getting set up (which took a long, long time), I watched soccer on one of the TVs. I didn't really wanna talk to anyone, or even dance at this point (it's not like there was anyone my ages to dance with :P). Instead, I was perfectly happy to sit there and watch sport. I don't even like sport, but soccer's one of the few games I'll actually watch: there's more skill and coordination involved in it than most team sports. I watched it for quite a while, until the band finally started playing. After deliberating on whether or not I wanted to stay, I decided to go home. I said my goodbyes, got myself some Pringles, and walked my ass home.
I felt pretty 'meh' about the whole experience. It was OK, but could have been better.
I got home and got on the computer. I felt kinda dodgy for a while, as though I threw away a perfectly good social opportunity, but I really don't think anything special would have happened if I'd stayed. A friend of mine came online and we talked, which alleviated any discomfort I felt from coming home early.
After the fireworks, the same station that broadcast the fireworks broadcast the rage New Year's broadcast (music video show). I got some cables out, hooked my TV up to my computer speakers, and waited for songs I recognised to come on. Got to listen to some Beastie Boys, some M.I.A, some Outkast—was good fun :D Instead of dancing at the bowling club with other people to music I wasn't into, I danced at my house, alone, to music I did like whenever it came on. Considering how much I enjoyed my time at home, I think it was in my best interests to go home that night—I had more fun alone than I would have if I'd stayed out. And that's what it's about: having fun, not forcing myself to do things just cos I haven't. And I can go back there another night if I want to, without making the mistake of going to sleep when I'm due to leave in 2 hour's time :P
I'm still keen to go out with people my age—I think that'll change the way I act, maybe make me more comfortable than being out with my mum. I used to prefer being around people way older than me, cos I knew how awkward I would get around people my own age at gatherings, but maybe that's flip-flopped for me over the past year or so. I'm now wanting to go into venues I used to want nothing to do with, so this could just be another part of that attitude change. I'm not sure when I'll get to go out with my cousins (Australia Day? I dunno :/ ), but I think I'll be pleased to go whenever the opportunity rolls around. I think looking forward to it is a good thing, so long as I don't set my expectations too high.
I like reading about clubbing on reddit, for what it's worth. It does make it clear that there's no guarantee I'll like it—I don't drink, and I'm shy, so I'm basically left with the music (and whoever I'm with) to keep me afloat. I know reading too much into it will lead me to over-think the situation, but I just like picking up little tidbits of information which I can remember and anticipate. Like, I read somewhere that, as a rule of thumb, there are people who go in groups, who are exclusive by default; and there are people who go alone, who are inclusive by default. So if I wanted to dance with someone, I can now remember that and check whether they're in a group or not, factoring that into my decision making. Even learning it'll be crowded was helpful: I'm the kind of fuckwit who fails to make those kinds of basic assumptions :P I know there will be all sorts of things that I won't prepare for, simply cos I won't see them coming (similar thing happened when I went out on NYE), but I can deal with that stuff when I get there.
And who knows: maybe, if I do like certain places, and I'm bored on a Friday/Saturday night, I can go out alone! Once I know the ropes, that might be another option. I've seen plenty of people talk about going out alone to various places, so it's definitely not the weirdest thing to do.
I know I didn't enjoy going out on NYE as much as I might have liked, but it was a learning experience. So long as I keep track of the things I did right and the things I didn't, it's always worth going to these things. I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions, but if I could set one goal this year, it would be to throw myself into more of these unknown territories, so I can expand my social circles rather than just strengthening them from the inside.
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