Weekend: That One Time I Was Actually Super Busy

I know, right? Since when do I do things? That is so not me.

This weekend was super crazy. On Saturday, I went to a friend's birthday party in Sydney (one of the people I met at that sleepover in February), then on Sunday, I went to another friend's 21st back home.  I was looking forward to both these events, but was unsure what to expect from each one.

So, Saturday first. I went up on the train with a friend to Sydney, meeting up with most of the others once I was there. We walked around in town for a bit, perusing various shops. It kinda sucks being in a mall while unemployed and thus under-financed: I don't see the point in walking around a mall unless I wanna buy something :P  I do love window shopping with my best friend, that's for sure, but it's kind of a tradition for us, whereas it's not for these guys. I'm not saying I was annoyed or anything; it just wasn't the most exciting few hours :P  We did eventually sit down and eat, which again, is a little tricky when you're like me, but that's just how it is. There was a new person there (new to me, I mean), and I never greeted the guy. Like, he was there for hours, and I never said a word to him cos I was nervous. I am so bad with introductions :P

Anyway, we eventually went to karaoke, basically the main event of the trip. I've never been to karaoke before, so this was a new experience. I had a totally different image in my head from what it ended up being. I pictured a single open room with chairs, tables, and a bar, with some microphones and monitors on-stage for people to use, each group who was there having to share it with the other groups. It was actually more compartmentalised than that: each group had their own room, complete with lounges, tables, a song-selection screen, and a monitor that displayed the lyrics on top of a music video.

I say a music video, and not the music video, for a reason: barely any of the songs were coupled with their official music video. It's not like we were singing obscure songs; these were run-of-the-mill, popular-as-fuck, if-you're-going-to-karaoke-then-you're-gonna-sing-this-whether-you-like-it-or-not songs. And it was hilarious. The music videos made so little sense! The focus was on the singing, of course, but sometimes it was just so bad :P  The video for 'Wannabe' by Spice Girls was just... seagulls. Fucking seagulls! We were both amused and confused. Gotta love them Spice Gulls :P

It took a while for me to fully settle in. I wasn't super-nervous going into it, cos I knew this wasn't gonna be any more embarrassing than the things I've done on-stage before, but I wasn't immediately open to the idea of singing either. I mean, the acoustics were such that you could hardly even hear yourself if even one other person was singing (mic'd or not), much less when half the room sings—I didn't fear people hearing my bad singing. It just took me a while to relax, I guess. I sung a few songs, so I didn't totally exclude myself (only ones I can remember is 'Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)' by The Offspring, and 'Call Me Maybe' by whoever the fuck sings that song :P). And there were at least two people who didn't sing at all, so I could've done a lot worse in terms of participation. It was definitely fun, and that's the main thing :)



Next thing I know, I'm asked "so are you gonna sleep over? Or are you gonna go back home?" Sleep over? Wat? Wat? I went up there on the pretence I'd have to go home after karaoke—I even bought a return train ticket. I had no sleeping bag, no spare clothes, and no food. But I said "eh, fuck it, may as well". What's the worst that could happen, right?

So I went back to the birthday girl's house with about half the group that came to her birthday. I was, again, nervous as all hell, as I usually am when I'm in a stranger's house for the first time. I didn't even sit down until the mother asked me to :P  I dunno why I get as nervous as I do in people's houses like that: all my friends are awesome, so all their parents are probably awesome too, not the kind of people who get pissed when people sit on their sofa before being given permission :P

I also finally got to give my gift to the birthday girl, having carried it around for the past nine hours :P  Everyone found the card really funny (way funnier than I expected), and the birthday girl loved her gifts, so I'm super pleased with that, especially given I was freaking out with what to get her—the first thing I got her was something she already had (thank god for the boyfriend who was able to tell me ahead of time :P). I haven't bought a single card this year, having made all my own instead, and I'm definitely sticking with the idea. I like creating the cards, printing them costs me nothing (ink and cardboard is free, courtesy of mum :P), and there's a 0% chance it'll be the same card as someone else's. Everybody wins! I might try some more creative designs next year, deviate from the A5-folded-in-half motif a little bit.

We stayed up and watched TV, and eventually, they went out to get food. I was hungry (I hadn't eaten in a fair while), and I remember being told we'd go to the supermarket to get food before I came over, but that never ended up happening. I wasn't totally empty, but I could've done with some food. I explained to one of the other people I met about my weird eating habits (basically how I'm repulsed by most articles of food, even though I know it's something people are totally able to eat), and she said she understood. I've never used that explanation in public before, so it was good to know it conveys the feeling properly.

Here's where things get a bit shaky: we went to bed at about 1am or so, and I got the couch (I usually do). It was really hot, so I've no idea why I used the blanket they gave me, but I did. Thing is, as much as I tried to sleep, I couldn't, cos two people stayed up all night talking to each other, and however quiet they were, I couldn't get to sleep cos of them. And I needed the rest cos I had another birthday to go to back home later that evening. What's the worst that could happen? Getting no fucking sleep, that's what :P   I think I got maybe an hour's sleep tops.

And here's why that's a problem: over the course of an hour or so, I nearly convinced myself not to go to that birthday party. I was in such a bad mood that I put on my iPod and listened to every sad song I had. I pictured nothing but bad things happening: being approached by drunkards, being judged for my looks or my virginity, being ostracised—just the worst things. I was like "well, if it's gonna be that bad, why even go?" Not only that, but by 7 or 8am, I was convinced people were gonna sleep so late that I wasn't even gonna make it home in time to go anyway. I felt it rude to wake people up, even though I had somewhere I needed to be.

So yeah, I was irritable as fuck that morning. My friend asked me if I had a good sleep, and I flatly said 'no'. I'm usually a nice enough person, but when I wake up after a sleepless night, I am a right cunt :P  We went down to the store, I got some food and some coffee, and I got myself into a half-decent mood. We organised the ride home, and it looked like I'd end up having about 3 hours to make the card and get myself ready, which was plenty. I was happy on the way home, thoroughly out of my negative mindset by the time I arrived at my house, and I had more than enough time to prepare everything, so I dodged a bullet on that one. As shitty as I may have felt, it's rude to not turn up to something when you said you would.

I think I met three people that weekend, one of whom I've heard over Skpye during games of Dungeons and Dragons. That says something, when my meeting people is mentioned at the end of the section :P  I'll probably only meet them again through the group, but that's OK. They were cool peeps :)



So onto birthday party number two! It was a Titanic-themed party, so I dressed up in moderately-fancy clothes and made my way down there. I wasn't quite as pleased with the card this time around, but I didn't know I'd only have 3 hours to work on the goddamn thing. I even wrote the girl's name on the envelope upside-down, cos, you know, I'm so dedicated :P

Weirdly enough, I didn't know what to expect from this party, either, apart from the Titanic theme. Given the time-frame, I wasn't sure if it'd be a dinner party or a more casual affair. I certainly wasn't looking forward to the food thing, but I never am :P  When I got there, though, it was far more on the casual side: only a few tables, far more standing room than sitting room, and a DJ playing music. I was pleasantly surprised :)

About that DJ, by the way... she had Beats headphones. That confused me :P  Beats headphones are like the Crocs of the headphone world. It obviously didn't affect me at all, cos I don't have to listen to the headphones, but being a DJ who wears Beats headphones is like being a history teacher who wears an SS uniform: it demonstrates an astounding level of ignorance :P

Jokes aside, let's get back to the party. Now, bear in mind: I'm not feeling like shit anymore, like I was that morning. I'm not in a bad mood. But for some reason, when I got there, I got really nervous. I was sweating, and I couldn't keep still. Thing is, I had no clue what I was nervous about. It wasn't the stuff I'd imagined that morning: those scenarios were so removed from reality that they weren't even worth considering. I honestly have no idea why I was nervous! I wasn't scared of anyone in particular; I wasn't dreading judgement like I was before; I was a little shaky about the food thing, but I always am, and it doesn't get to me that much, so... what the fuck? Even when my friends turned up, I was still, for lack of a better word, paranoid. The first hour or so was probably like that. I talked to maybe one or two people I hadn't met before, and was so closed off that I couldn't respond with anything other than stock responses. I hate being tense like that, and I couldn't even identify its source, much less stop it.

Eventually though, as tends to happen at these things, groups began to form. I was now in a group with three of my friends, so the discomfort subsided fairly quickly. Other people came over and talked to us from time to time, and we wandered around as a group too, but we stuck close together. We caught up, joked with each other, and I was finally able to get into my element and loosen up a bit. I was making conversation, making jokes, etc. While I know I could get annoyed at myself for not meeting new people, I see no point in that. I wasn't there to meet new people; I was there to enjoy myself. If I had met new people, then cool, that would've been great; but I didn't, and it's a non-issue. I think a better focus for these things is just to go and enjoy myself, rather than go out of my way just to meet some arbitrary goal.

I saw my ex there, which I didn't expect. It's always nice to see her. She looked stunning, too: she looked just like Rose from the movie (I don't even fuckin' know anything about the movie and I knew who it was :P). I don't know what it is about hanging out with her, but it's just so comfortable. I can make her laugh really easily, and she can talk to me without any awkwardness. Talking to her and joking around with her just makes me super happy. I've no interest in dating her again (I even mentioned another girl I'm interested in right in front of her, not 100% sure how much of a good idea that was :P), but it kinda sucks we can't hang out more often. It sucks that my high school friends meet up so infrequently in general, but I see my ex less often than my other friends. I should definitely invite her to more things :)

One thing I couldn't bring myself to do was compliment her appearance. I dunno... it just seemed to risky. She did look beautiful—I'll say it here without issue—but telling her she looked beautiful wouldn't have sat well with me. It's not that she's my ex; I'm just shitty at complimenting people's appearance in general. The birthday girl looked great too: her hair was all curly, and her dress really suited her (though I've no clue if it was a reference to the film), but I didn't say anything to her either. It's just not a thing I've ever done.

WAIT. THAT IS COMPLETE FUCKING BULLSHIT! I have done that before; I did it when I was 16! I complimented Sally's formal dress after the Year 10 formal! In fact, I walked up to her specifically so I could compliment her outfit! It was the only reason I spoke to her that day! I AM REGRESSING AS A HUMAN BEING >:(

What a disappointing realisation. I gotta go ask my 16-year-old self how I pulled that shit off :P

Moving on. Another thing I kinda thought about with my ex was just the way we were talking to each other. I obviously joke around with all my friends—that's just what I do—but I was kinda teasing my ex a bit. It was all playful, nothing serious, but there was a little bit of fun being poked. And I thought to myself "...if you'd said those same sorta things to another chick, one you fancied, and you changed your voice a bit to convey your intent, sexed it up a bit... would that be flirting? Is that what flirting is? ...oh my fucking god, it is." I definitely wasn't flirting with my ex, but if I said similar stuff with a different tone of voice, saying it to a girl who I was trying to date or fuck, and she reacted as positively as my ex did... goodbye virginity :P

Another cool thing I realised (so many realisations here, lol) is that I was far more confident in terms of joking around. There are two people in particular who, when I'm around them, I can't joke well cos I feel they're better at conversational humour than me. I don't hate these people for it, but I know their presence makes me less socially outward. One of them was present at the party, and they didn't come around very often, but even when they did, I didn't joke any less than usual—in fact, I joined in! I played off their ideas rather than shying away from them! I dunno how I did that, but I did. It's kinda strange how I went from 'paranoid' to 'stepping outside regular boundaries', but alas, it happened.

When the party was drawing to a close, after the cake was cut, people started to dance. I didn't really wanna dance, so I stayed seated. I got the usual "oh come on, dance!" thing, with people trying to pull me out of my seat, but I wasn't feeling it. I played Pokémon Stadium 2 on my phone instead. I wasn't even sad about not dancing; I felt great! I sat there, battling away, tapping my feet, mouthing the words to the songs, just enjoying myself. I'm not being at all sarcastic: I enjoyed it! Could have been a bit more conversational, perhaps: there were two other people at the table, but they weren't talking much either, so what the fuck am I supposed to do :P  I'm just glad I was able to feel comfortable like that having made my decision, cos I usually feel bad about it. Would I have danced if, say, someone asked (even if it was just a friendly invitation)? Probably. Dancing with someone would have been fun too, don't get me wrong :)  But, again, what's the point in forcing myself to do something I'm not comfortable with for the sake of conformity, especially when my friends were totally cool with me sitting out? Pointless worrying, and nothing more.

That was pretty much the best aspect to the party: the freedom involved. You could walk wherever you wanted, sit wherever you wanted, talk to whoever you wanted, get drinks if you wanted, give your drink vouchers up if you wanted, eat the canapés if you wanted, eat dinner if you wanted, dance if you wanted: it was free. There was no force: it was just free. It was so free, it was like a Libertarian Party up in that shit (no apologies, that was super clever, shut up :P). 

And not only was it free, but it was free of assholes! People were drinking, but no one was acting like a cunt! No fuckwits saying utterly stupid things to me, no loud fucks hooping and hollering for no reason, no sick people needing to barf... no cunts whatsoever! Where the fuck are these reasonable drinkers when I'm out with family!? Seriously, I could do with more of that shit. I would have zero problem hanging out with people while they're drinking if they behaved like that more regularly.



So yeah, those were the two parties I went to over the weekend. Both were super funz, and I'm particularly glad I didn't skip the second one, cos if I'd known what I'd have missed, I would've been very sad. I dunno what she thought of her gift cos she must have opened them after we left, but hopefully she liked it. I also had none of the cake cos it just... never crossed our minds to get any :P  Seriously: the birthday girl cut the cake, then the music came on, then people started dancing, then I started playing Pokémon... and about half an hour later, we left. Cake was never even mentioned after that point, much less eaten. I didn't even see anyone eating cake, or even serving it. What the fuck happened? I never got any cake! I have been robbed of cake! I DEMAND CAKE!

(seriously Lucy, I want cake. Don't make me take you to Small Claims Court.)

also, I realise I commented on your latest blog entry, like, half an hour after you posted it. That's not cos I'm constantly checking if you've posted shit; I just happened to go to Blogger so I could finish this post just after you made your post. Hopefully that didn't weird you out or anything :P

and doooooo iiiitttttt goddamnit :P



EDIT: I totally forgot to mention something quite important. There were people at each party who asked me how my comedy was going! That sounds like nothing, cos obviously people are gonna ask you how your life's going, but it's important to me cos 1) no one from the Sydney group really knows much about my comedy stuff, so it was cool one of them asked, and 2) it means people actually remember things I've posted on Facebook with regards to it. I remember asking people if they'd be interested in going to a comedy performance were I to organise one, and, like, one person responded :P  I was kinda disappointed. But then people asked me in real life how it was going, saying they'd tag along too if I were to perform, so I'm really pleased with that :)