Starting at mid-January, I went to see a play last week that a friend was in. It's cool that meet-ups with the out-of-town group (for lack of a better name) are becoming more common. I'm really settled in now—there are a few times where I'm like "...what the hell are you guys even talking about >.>", but it's less and less common each time we congregate.
Seeing the play also spawned a little nostalgia trip: it reminded me of high school Drama class, and the school plays I was in. I miss that shit; it was so goddamn fun. Drama was my favourite class by a mile. I don't think uni has anything resembling 'school plays' which random students can audition for, but if they did, I would totally go for that. I was never terribly good at acting—I'm not the best at convincing an audience I'm somebody else—but performing is always fun as hell. Who knows, maybe I'll end up writing a fucking play someday :P
Next big thing: I had a sleepover! Seven people stayed at my house. Seven people. I've never had any people sleepover at my place, much less seven! But it was soooooo fffuuuuunnnn! There weren't any moments where it wasn't fun; literally the entire thing was amazing. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but seriously, nothing went wrong! Two people had to stay an extra night due to trackwork, but that wasn't hard to deal with at all.
We played games all weekend: Nintendo Land, Mario Kart, Smash Bros. U, Drawful, Fibbage, Word Spud, Boom Street... soooo many gggaammmeeess ^_^ And when it got too uncomfortable to play games (and it did a few times, due to the heat and humidity), we just watched Daria and The IT Crowd instead. I know a lot of people think playing games is anti-social, and it can be, but couch multiplayer is anything but anti-social. Couch multiplayer is just like playing a sport without moving: you team up, you trash talk, you celebrate successful co-operation, you bitch and moan when you get trounced. Don't sit there and tell me that's anti-social, cos it fucking isn't :P One guy was playing on his phone a lot, but he's super shy, so I can relate to that—everyone needs their space, you know? But apart from that, we were bonding pretty much the whole time, even coming up with more in-jokes during the usual 'we're-in-bed-but-not-going-to-sleep-yet' chatting that always happens at these things.
We went to the beach too, and built this kick-ass sandcastle:
.jpg)
.jpg)
(correction: they built the sandcastle; I built the shapeless blob of sand next to it :P)
It was just so cool to have everything go so well for my first sleepover. The only thing that really went wrong was a few people not being able to show up, as well as a few people not getting back to me at all. I'm finding that to be a bit of a pain in the ass: people not replying when I invite them to stuff. I don't expect people to reply instantaneously; obviously, people need time to figure out whether they can attend things or not. Even if you respond the day before, that's fine, no biggie! But when you don't respond at all, or you say you're coming but then don't, that is incredibly fucking annoying. The invites went out a month before; there's no excuse for not replying except being lazy or inconsiderate. I don't hate the people who didn't get back to me, but I do hate their behaviour.
I'd like to host another one soon, but the next two will be organised by other people, and it's better to pass the burden around to multiple people rather than hog the glory of hosting all the time. I'm definitely gonna do it again, though! Everyone enjoyed themselves, and I had heaps of fun getting everything set up, even if it did mean carrying a TV, a PC, and several games consoles in and out of my house eight times in four days, plugging/unplugging everything each time :P
In more recent news, my best friend got back from Europe, and she came to see me a few days ago. Catching up with someone you haven't seen in a long time is always so cathartic: it's an incessant flow of stories and happiness. I remember seeing an old friend of mine from high school last year, and we were laughing before she'd even crossed the street to say hello. I don't know what the hell was so funny, but we laughed anyway :P But it was awesome to have my closest friend back. We've already organised to see each other at uni once a week to chill and play games, so I'm looking forward to that regular interaction :)
As for future social thingies, apart from random stuff with my local group and sleepovers with the out-of-town group, there's not too much happening. The gaming association at my uni is hosting more regular meet-ups, and I'd like to go to them, but the last meet-up they held was on a day where I went to an open mic, and the next one is another day where I'll be performing. Seriously, events are always conflicting with each other for me; it's quite annoying :P But if I can eventually hang with them and play some games, I might meet some new peeps.
There is still that part of me which wants to do things totally out of my comfort zone. I read about a friend of mine skinny dipping and was like "wow, that actually sounds... pretty cool." And that sounds weird for someone who's never been naked in front of somebody, but it doesn't sound that daunting. For starters, I've done more embarrassing shit on-stage in front of hundreds of people. When you take to the stage in a diaper and pretend to ejaculate from a baby bottle... your dignity becomes ready for just about anything you throw at it :P And secondly, you'd be in the water most of the time, so it's not like anyone can see your junk unless you're out of the water, so who gives a fuck, right? It might be a bit scary, but if I have the chance to see some boobs, I'm in. I feel like the kind of people who skinny dip probably wouldn't even judge if someone felt bad about their body, or decided that skinny dipping wasn't for them—that kind of attitude just seems to fit well with the activity, and I'd be totally cool hanging around people like that. But it's obviously a very specific activity, one that doesn't exactly come up very often, so even if I would be comfortable with that, I can't hold out waiting for invitations (particularly when the friend in question was describing an all-girls night, so... yeah, not gonna work :P).
In a more general sense, I don't know what it is, but part of me just wants to do sexy shit like that, to get involved in more sexual scenarios (or any [hetero]sexual scenarios, really). It seems impossible to achieve without entering an atmosphere that's either a) totally foreign to me, or b) one I already know I won't do well in, but goddamn does hooking up sound fun right now :P Given that I've now had at least one experience where people drinking weren't acting like asshats (a 21st I went to last year), I'm more privy to environments where people are drinking, at least people my age. It might just be my family who've left a fucking awful impression on me with regards to booze, now that I think about it. If other situations with alcohol are like that 21st like year, I'm all for more of that, cos it was really fun.
This doesn't change the main issue, though, one I also experienced last year at another 21st: the lack of commonality with the type of people who are in these environments. I don't go out, I don't sleep around, and I lack interest pop culture: I have very little in common with the kind of people who attend these things, making it really hard to get involved in socialising, even when that's what I want. It's not like these people are bad people; they're just different people. And perhaps I'm wrong about that too! Maybe that 21st was a one off in terms of the people there, and if I went to another place, I somehow would be able to bond with the other peeps. But if all these people talk about is drinking and partying and getting drunk and fucking each other and the latest TV shows and pop tracks... count me out. Unless you want me to sit there playing Super Mario Bros. on my phone, don't put me there, cos I'll fucking hate it :P
The other issue is that opportunities for this kind of thing are thin on the ground to begin with cos my friends are mostly like me with regards to social things, something I've mentioned before. I only have one friend who goes out and does these kinds of things. Going alone to these things really isn't an option, or is at least a real quick way to scare the bejeezus out of me. Even if I did want to go into a new environment, one I've shied away from in the past, if I went there alone, the level of social anxiety I'd have would be so intense that I'd have no chance of working my way in.
Simultaneously, I'd feel like a leech if I asked the aforementioned friend if I could tag along with her, cos it seems unfair on them to expect her to take care of me, or to even risk messing her evening up by doing something wrong or needing to be shown the ropes. This isn't a reaction to the thought of asking her; this is something I've thought about a lot, cos asking to go with her is something I've wanted to do quite a few times (and have done once or twice, probably before I developed the 'leech' feeling above). Any time I see her mention going out to something interesting, I think about it, but then go "no, don't do that. You'll be a liability: you'll stick to her like glue all fucking evening just to feel safe. Don't fuck up her evening; just let her do her own thing." I'd have to know for sure she was 100% OK with me tagging along before I even consider doing it.
And who knows: maybe it'll be so much fun that I decide to go out to these things on my own, or with people I meet while at these places who I get along with, which I probably will if I like these places. If not, then I'll know it sucks ass and I won't have to worry about missing out on anything (the entire point of such an outing would basically be to counteract FOMO right now :P).
Having thought about it, the desire to go out is probably a direct result of my desire to get laid, but I don't see a problem with that. I might go out once and hate it; that just means I have to find another way to get my rocks off. I might hook up once and have my desires satisfied, never feeling the need to go out again. I just wanna throw myself into the mix, I guess, and see how things go. The closest I can currently get is seeing chicks in comedy clubs, but that won't really work cos I'm out of town and always have to get back home, meaning I can't really do anything there—there were two cute girls at the last open mic I did, but I didn't approach them for this very reason.
Assuming for the meantime that I wouldn't do well in the type of places my friend goes to, where else is there? Like, yes, I meet new people through my out-of-town friends every now and then, but there's never really any opportunity to flirt (much less the confidence required to do so :P), nor have there been any people I've met who I'd actually sleep with yet. Any time I see questions about where to meet women or where to flirt with them, the answer from most people is "you can meet women anywhere! Talk to them on the street!", but I really don't think that's appropriate, at least not for me personally. And even if it is appropriate, I can hardly approach them in the most basic social situations, much less a totally non-social situation like a goddamn footpath. One step at a time, for fuck's sake :P
I guess it's just frustrating me a little that there are no outlets through which I can currently meet a girl and hit it off with her. In fact, it's not even a thing my friends talk about, because it's not something they're into. My friends are either in relationships, or just not interested in casual sex. But I am interested! It sounds really exciting! I just can't share that with anyone cos I'm fairly sure no one I know really relates to it.
And, oddly enough, this is a very specific desire for casual sex I'm feeling now. Sex in a relationship would be nice for its own reasons, and a relationship would ultimately provide far more for me, but hooking up is the type of sex I want to have at this exact moment. I dunno why, but it is. Or perhaps a more accurate way to explain it would be to say: while I would rather be in a relationship than hook up with girls, I would rather have the experience of hooking up with a girl before I enter a relationship, seeing as I can't hook up with one girl while dating another. It's the experience I want.
I swear to god, one day, I'm gonna find a way to make nerdy get-togethers hot. It will be done. I've got material on this already, as the set-up allows for a whole bunch of jokes, but I'd also like to see the idea in reality. Like, take Dungeons and Dragons: a tabletop RPG game where everyone plays together in a fantasy world, working their way through a narrative explained by the Game Master. All you'd have to do is make the narrative erotic! The players are all physically there, able to check each other out, and the game gives them characters through which they can flirt in kind of a 'safe' way, so they can suss each other out. Then, if two players like flirting in the game, they can flirt in real life too, getting each other's numbers and/or hooking up. Or for something simpler, instead of Strip Poker (which you could also play, I guess—something else I'd be up for personally, if only I could understand poker :P), instead of that, you have Super Strip Bros. You start up any version of Super Smash Bros., set it to Survival, and add one life for each article of clothing able to be removed. During the battle, whenever a player loses a life, they have to take off the next article of clothing on the list. And they aren't allowed to pause: they have to take it off quick enough such that they don't fall back into battle before they get their hands back on the controller. Once you got up to a certain level of nakedness, particularly with girls, the others would be at a disadvantage cos they'd have to prevent themselves from perving, or else they'd lose a life themselves. It just sounds so goddamn plausible I tell ya!
Perhaps I talk about this too much or too in-depth, but I'm just stuck in limbo here. I love hanging out with my current friends and wouldn't trade them for anyone because I have the greatest time when we hang out. But I don't see a way to hook up right now, at least not through my current social group. I was never really invited to parties or anything during high school, and I can't remember ever being able to play things like Spin the Bottle or whatever other party games there are; I didn't even really want to go to parties or do things like that when I was younger. So maybe these are just high-school-level carnal desires popping up at an inconvenient time. The curiosity won't go away, though.
I dunno how off-topic I got but I'ma stop now :P
No comments:
Post a Comment