New Territory

So things are going really well with this girl I'm seeing. I don't want to delve into detail cos to do so would be to disrespect her privacy, but I'm just amazed at how well it's going. It's crazy. Whenever we talk, what feels like 15 minutes ends up being an hour. Being around her is never not fun. So far, this whole thing has been a whirlwind of awesome :D

While I have dated before, the time since I last did id (4.5 years) has meant I've had to relearn a lot of things I previously knew how to do. Like, my first kiss was my ex, but when I kissed this new girl, it was... weird :P  I was missing her mouth, biting her lip, all kinds of dumb shit :P  Turned out I was kissing her like I kissed my ex, and she just had a totally different kissing style. We eventually got used to each other's style, which was good, but that then lead to, you know... more kissing. Like, lots of kissing in a row. That's been totally new ground for me, something I'm not used to. I didn't give my girlfriend anything more than singular kisses when she showed up/left--there's a bit more involved this time around :P  Now that we've gotten used to each other, it feels great, but I'm sure there'll be many more things I have to learn along the way here.

Speaking of totally new ground, we've started talking a little more... intimately. Sex is something I never talked about with my ex; it was just never an issue. And, again, while I don't want to dive into detail and extrapolate on what we've been talking about, I will say that it's exciting as all hell. It's liberating, being able to be honest with someone about how you feel about them sexually. I could never have said any of these things to my ex without making her feel frightened; but now, it's in the open, and I don't have to worry about offending the girl's sensibilities. As new as it is, I think I'm catching on pretty fast, though sometimes I am caught off-guard by things she says (and even things I say, now and again). It was a little odd at first, when the flirting got a little more intense and those intimate questions started being asked, cos hearing a woman talk about her feelings for me like that wasn't something I'd ever experienced. But it's developed into something sexy and fun, something I initiate as often as she does. Part of me wonders if it'll always be this thrilling, or if I'll just get used to it (kind of like how I got used to cuddling my ex), but I'll have to wait and see.

I'm just so happy this is all happening. It was so blasé, being told "oh, you'll find someone eventually" or "she's out there somewhere" or whatever other bullshit, but I guess there was probably going to be some truth to it. Part of me fears waking up and realising it's all a dream; part of me thinks "something's gonna go wrong, just you wait"; part of me questions everything I say to and do with her, wondering about what she infers from it all. But most of me is cheerful, excited, and satisfied. The pessimism surrounding the whole "something's gonna go wrong" thing is a little annoying, cos I keep wondering if and when this is all gonna end, and that's a horrible thought to have. The fact of the matter is that, clearly, neither one of us wants this to end just yet, so who cares? I have to just enjoy it for what it is and what it becomes. And by the looks of it, it's gonna become something pretty fantastic :)

Not gonna say anything more for now, even though there are other things I could talk about. Maybe later.