I've been thinking for a while about what I want to do with my life. For the longest time, I've wanted to be a stand-up comedian. But now, I'm starting to reconsider whether that's the best idea.
I can't remember how long I've wanted to be a stand-up comedian for, but it's been for at least a few years. I knew full well that stand-up wasn't all I wanted to do, but it was the main attraction, certainly. Even though stand-up is usually seen as a way to get into TV/film/writing, I wanted to do stand-up as its own reward, even if I did do other things on the side. I've known for a long time that I like writing comedy, that I enjoy performing it, and that I've had moderate success, at least in terms of audience reactions. It's to the point where I identify as a comedian: I have no issue with calling myself one, even if I do stick the word 'amateur' or 'wannabe' beforehand. I constantly tell jokes in conversations, so much so that it's basically how I warm myself to new people. It's the one skill I know I can rely on in most situation. The few accolades I've had in competitions are things I've listed in my resume, for fuck's sake. It's my thing. But now I'm not so sure I wanna pursue it as a career.
The main reason is that to commit to stand-up isn't just to take on a job; it's to take on a lifestyle. I've read story after story of comedians living out of their cars, living in cheap motels, travelling hundreds of miles to and from venues, while making chump change. Open mics are almost never paid gigs, not in the typical sense--you're paid in stage time and exposure, not dollars. I can't remember how many times I've performed in total (around 20, I'd say--not much for 5 years, I know :P), but I've only ever been paid once, and it took me by surprise. Given my lack of financial reserves and my pocket-money-level income stream, I can't currently afford to commit to this. Could I travel to open mics anyway? Sure, of course I could, and I'd like to continue doing so. My mum's told me numerous times she's willing to support me in this, including paying for transport. But in the long term, as an independently-funded venture, it's quite the investment. There's also the whole food thing, and the being-scared-of-travel thing, which are both obstacles, even if they can be overcome with some advance planning.
That really isn't the main issue, though. When talking to my mum about this whole life-plan thing, she raised a good point: I've been sheltered as fuck for my entire life. Like, I knew that already, but I didn't see the relevance until now. Even if my eating habits were normal and my fear of travel were non-existent, that doesn't change the fact that I've had a comfortable upbringing, and am simply not used to being deprived of anything. I'm used to having a bed, to having clothes, to having internet, and to having security in the form of a parent with the resources to protect me in case something goes wrong. If I'm on the road by myself, I lose all that security. This isn't to say I couldn't do it--I think if I wanted to do stand-up badly enough, I could--but it is to say that it would probably be a lot less comfortable than previously considered. There's also things like jobs and relationships that may also be put at stake, things that require some level of security themselves to function. It's just a very big shift, one that would, at the very least, require great thought, if not outright reconsideration.
So, what alternatives are there? My current focus is on writing. My mum's always said "I think you'll be more of a writer than a performer", not to deride my abilities in performing, but in reference to the aforementioned difficulties I would face in pursuing stand-up as a career. Sometimes, my mum's a lot more insightful than I give her credit for. With stand-up, writing is half the job, at least for most comedians. Unless you're Robin Williams, Dara O'Briain, Ross Noble, etc., you're gonna have to write shit down, and you're gonna have to refine it. I know full well that I've had more practice with the pen than the microphone, and as such, I have more faith in my abilities as a writer than as a performer. Thankfully, being a writer is far less taxing on one's security than being a performer. So long as I have a laptop, I can write fucking anywhere, rather than having to find an open mic. And while I may have to travel a bit as a writer (mainly to collaborate with other writers, I imagine), it wouldn't be anywhere near as frequently as it would be if I did stand-up. The pay would also be a little steadier, hopefully (even if I do have to submit things for free early on).
At the moment, I'd really like to get into writing satire. I like reading satirical pieces like those published by The Backburner, The Shovel, The Onion, etc., and when I do read them, I'm like "hey, I can write stuff like that!" I do have a few ideas in mind: some fake interviews, a few fake news articles, even drawings (even though I can't draw :P). Reading the news usually makes a few more light bulbs go off too. I'm evermore keen to write some stuff and then contact the uni magazine to say "hey, I write funny things! Here are some of those things", to see if they're willing to take me on board. I think it's a more consistent outlet than open mics, and it allows me to explore a new form--multiple, in fact, seeing as I can do interviews, news articles, speeches, even implementing graphics if I get really into it. I dunno how you get into the profession on a paid basis (same way as stand-up, probably: networking and exposure); and just like with stand-up, I don't necessarily want to just write satire. But it seems like another route I could take, one more suited to who I am as a person.
Another avenue I've thought about also involves writing, but in a different way. And I didn't think it was a viable option until a conversation I had with one of my tutors at uni. I was consulting with him, where he said (and I know this is a humble-brag, but fuck you :P) "you're very bright. Are you going to do honours [in philosophy]? Go on to do post-grad, perhaps?" I was taken aback, to be honest. I know I'm not dreadful at philosophy, but I didn't consider myself to be too crash-hot. That said, I have actually thought about it, at least about doing a Ph.D, reason being that I've considered working as a philosophy lecturer. I really enjoy the idea of being a lecturer: it's kinda like stand-up, but without the pressure to be funny. I get to explore complex idea, but I don't have to mangle it into a series of jokes; I can just present it in the clearest, most concise way I can think of. That means there's an element of writing to it as well, seeing as I have to figure out how best to convey the ideas the class needs to learn about. The thing is, a) it's expensive (huge-ass HECS debt, yo), and b) you have to write a thesis. I'm llaaaaazzzzyyyyy. Writing a thesis is hhhaaarrrdddd. Urgh :P
Incidentally, though, there is actually a specific thesis I'd like to write. Obviously, I'm too inexperienced to start writing it, but I've thought a great deal about the topic and how I'd write about it, both in stand-up form and in academic form, even considering writing an academic paper and then using stand-up as a way to distribute it to the masses. Basically, I'm super-interested in pornography: not just in the "aw yeah, it's hawt" way, but in terms of how it's produced, how it's consumed, how it's perceived, how it's legislated, and how it influences people, particularly teenagers. Linked into that is the issue of sex education pertaining to porn, ie. how porn is pretty much ignored in sex ed (as far as I can tell). I basically wanna explore potential solutions to porn's negative effects, given I don't think it's intrinsically wrong to produce or consume it (and can even be a positive thing if consumed correctly). I've thought about it for years, and if I had to write a thesis right now on a given topic, that would be the topic. Now, I dunno if you can write a thesis on whatever the fuck you feel like, or if you have to be part of a research program--I honestly have no clue, so it's just speculation at this point, and it may never happen. But if I do well enough at uni for this to be a possibility (and it is an if, cos you have to have a distinction-average to get into honours, which I feel would be necessary for post-grad work), it might just be worth pursuing. I also think it'd be immensely fulfilling, given the work involved and the potential impacts.
I suppose I could write about the philosophy of comedy too. I dunno how much is really written about that. Could be heaps; could be almost nothing. But it's another subject I can delve into and write about in-depth and at length.
The other thing with having a Ph.D is that I don't think you can just lecture: I think you actually have to keep doing research, regularly publishing papers and stuff. More work! >:(
As for stand-up, I still want to write sets and perform them; I'm only sceptical of my potential as a professional comedian. I could write satire and do stand-up on the side; I could work on my academic stuff for most of the week and go to open mics on the weekends. Such multitasking is far from impossible. Just working stuff out, I guess.
That and I need a goddamn job. Having no money is awful :(
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