Yesterday, I recorded some commentary for a gaming video I uploaded to YouTube. Towards the end, I talked about this girl I like at uni, mentioning how I was attracted to her but not in love with her or anything—I just like what little I see and know. I also said I was more just longing for a relationship in general, and that liking this girl was a driving force behind that.
Later that same day, I went to the supermarket. Upon reaching the row of checkouts after getting everything, I didn't really scan to see if there was an empty one; rather, I just assumed they were all in use, and went for the one with the old lady who only had a basket of groceries, thinking she'd be serviced the quickest . After putting the bags on the conveyor belt (more or less establishing that this was the till I'd be using), I looked to my right to see a till operated by a young girl, probably a little younger than me, and she wasn't servicing anybody, so I'm like "Ah crap, oh well" in recognising the lack of efficiency in my choice of till :P Upon looking back at the girl again, I realised that I hadn't encountered her at the supermarket before this point in time; I assumed she was new. She was actually kinda cute. Now I'm thinking "Typical—you miss the most obvious opportunities, boy :P", but just continued unpacking stuff. Upon looking back a third time, she actually looked a little dejected. You're new to the job, you're available for service, but the customer picks another till anyway... yyyeeaaahhh :P Granted, perhaps she looked like that the whole time and I only really noticed upon my third look at her, but it's not all that improbable that I kinda made her feel bad by accident :P
It's not like I feel guilty or super-regretful about it, but I really wish I could go back and change that, make it so I went to her till instead—not for her sake, for my sake :P Thing is, what would have happened? I can't imagine it going any differently than it would have at any other till: I put my stuff on the conveyor belt, they pack it, I pack the trolley, it's paid for, and I leave. I don't think I would have had the guts to actually say anything to her, other than replying to the "How are you?" they're obliged to send your way—it's not like I'm in the habit of chatting up checkout chicks :P I might have looked at her a bit, but I can almost guarantee no verbal exchange would have occurred.
Thing is... doesn't this play right into my hands? Isn't this exactly what I want? I complain internally and externally about having no real opportunities to talk to girls (none where I don't have to start a conversation out of the blue for no apparent reason, at least), but how much easier could it be than this? I go to her place of work, where her hours are given to her via the roster—provided the roster doesn't change such that her hours are different (and, with my luck, it probably will :P), she'll be there on the same day at the same time, meaning I can schedule my own arrival around that predictability. Not only that, but, provided her till is the quickest one can access (be it through her not servicing anyone, or being the closest to be done servicing), I am given every logical reason required to be in her presence. And, just to make things incredibly easy on my part, she will definitely start off the conversation for me—she will ask me how I am! How much easier could this shit actually be!? All I have to really do is keep the conversation going while unpacking stuff; that is all I have to do. Perhaps I'll find out she's not my type by the way she talks, or her attitude towards me, but who knows, right?
I have never wanted to go back to the supermarket at all, let alone so badly :P
Of course, upon realising this, this over-dramatic response is playing out in my head for my own entertainment: "I seriously can't believe what just happened. Opportunity tapped you on the shoulder, said 'Hey, I made this just for you', and what do you do? You SET IT ON FIRE AND THROW IT AT HIS FACE! And you WONDER why you don't have a fucking girlfriend; perhaps your opportunistic BLINDNESS has something to do with it >.<"
I'm not crazy if I know that's an overreaction... right? >.>
Again, it's not like I'm head over heels in love; I just see a clear cut opportunity here. This plays into my hands far to much for me to pass it up if it comes by again.
What it got me thinking about, however, is what I effectively want out of an encounter with either of the girls I've mentioned. Optimally, I want to get their contact details, use that to keep in touch with them, befriend them, and then ask them on a date. That's how I did it with my first girlfriend, and that's how I want to do it for the next girl I ask out—that way, I know more about who she actually is and can actually develop a more genuine, heartfelt attraction rather than the infatuation(s) I have now. I also wanna know if the girl in question already has a boyfriend before I ask :P But typically, a guy just asks a girl on a date, finding out about her on the date, sooner rather than later (provided she accepts).
I can't bring myself to do that :P
Not only do I prefer the friend route because I get to know the girl, but the girl also gets to know me. She'll know in advance about my personality, my interests, and most importantly, my flaws. I'd feel like a dick asking a girl out with her not knowing how I eat. I don't wanna be put in the position where she suggests lunch or dinner and I have to be like "yeah... how aabbouuutttt something else? " That's just rude :P It obviously makes me feel uncomfortable, but if/when she finds out how weird I dietary habits are (whether that's right there on the spot, or at the date itself—postponing it any longer is a serious dick move :P), she's gonna feel awkward too. Whether it be for A: suggesting a meal for the date, or B: agreeing to go out with a guy who eats like that in the first place, she's not going to feel comfortable at all. Yes, I could suggest a movie (or whatever else) myself, but with that, she could easily say she'd prefer a meal anyway, so it's luck of the draw no matter what. I just don't think it's right to spring it on a girl out of the blue that I eat this badly :P
I don't give a fuck about the 'risk of being friendzoned' either. The friendzone can only be a problem if you already have enough friends. I have hardly any friends :P I'm grateful for the ones I do have, very much so, but it's not like I couldn't do with some more friends. I'd be quite happy for girls to suck my friendzone and swallow my common ground :P Sure, maybe it'll be too awkward if (read: when :P) I get rejected and dissolve into shit, but again, I can't account for everything—it's just not possible. Is it wrong to befriend a girl just to ask her out? I don't think so. Not only is it the lesser of two evils in my book, but it's not like the girl's gonna be totally surprised that some random guy who talked to her and befriended her also really likes her and wants to go out with her. She'd have to be fucking braindead not to figure that out, and intelligence is the only real concrete prerequisite I have for a girl I want to be in a relationship with. She'll probably have made her mind up well in advance anyway, perhaps even telling me before I ask. Then, of course, comes the question of how this friendship is to come about in the first place, but I can deal with that when the time comes :P
I guess this'll mean it'll take longer for me to find someone, but if I can deal with it for one-and-a-half years, the wait isn't really an issue.
I kinda hope this girl at the supermarket (provided I see her again—llooonngg shot :P) is a little shy. I'm pretty sure the girl at uni isn't really shy, so it'll be good if this new one is. I guess I'm attracted to that too, and obviously it makes the girl easier to talk to :P And a girl who can't hold her smile/laugh back is just cute :)
yay for cute things :)
No comments:
Post a Comment