...no woman is going to come up to me of their own accord because they find me sexy. I am not sexy :P I mean, first off, there's the whole "I look like a skeleton" thing, then there's the whole "I look younger than I am, and women are attracted to older guys" thing, so I have nothing to work with here. I don't know where girls put me on that [x]/10 scale, but it's nothing I'd be glad to hear, let me tell you. I've never been told I was cute, handsome, attractive, sexy, hot, someone they'd like to get with, someone who turns them on, someone they wouldn't mind waking up next to in the morning—nothing of the sort. It has never happened ... so I need to find some other way to entice girls, or at least appeal to them.
To add to that, I have always assumed that the only girl who has ever been attracted to me in any way, shape, or form is my ex. After my attitude towards my body had been discussed, my friend told me that, contrary to what I assumed, there actually had been girls in my year that liked me, simply never telling me. This blew my mind, because it's like "See? You're not some sub-human, buck-toothed, fussy-eating skeletor; some girls actually like you! Now we just need to... identify them... next time... we'll work on that >.>"Sex: Let's Get Serious for a Moment...', published 31st October 2012
Now, to be perfectly honest, I actually suspected there was a friend of mine who had a crush on me about a year back, and it looks like this has confimed it. I always thought I was looking at her actions in a biased light to validate myself, thinking it couldn't possibly be true, but it looks like it is. My friend won't identify this person, but given my limited scope of female friends, it's not hard to narrow it down. Of the five girls I've maintained any level of contact with over the past year, two of them are taken, one of them isn't interested in me, and one of them is my ex—you do the math :P In addition to that, this girl acted kinda strange towards me in the final few months of last year, hugging me, like, 3 times at a meet-up one time, as well as talking to me unprovoked over Facebook which she didn't do before... which is exactly the same thing I did to a girl I liked not long before :P I don't think it would have worked though, and my friend agrees. I mean, if she'd asked me out, I would have been flattered, and said "Sure, why not?", but I wouldn't have expected it to go anywhere, only going to be polite and just on the off chance something might happen.
Thing is, she said girlS, so that means there was more than one. I don't know who they would be, nor how many more there are. One of the girls I'm friends with has told me she had a 'soft spot' for me before she met her current boyfriend, but I don't really know what that means, nor do I know if she told the friend I had this conversation with. My friend also said none of these girls were 'my type', not just the most recent one. This leaves me with three questions (all of which I want answered by this person, though I'm certain she'll leave me in the dark :P).
1: Who are they?
Obviously, I want to know who these girls are. I don't even need names; what did they look like? What were they interested in? What were their personalities like?
Which leads me to my second question...
2: What exactly is 'my type'?
Since when the fuck did I have a 'type'? I'm not insulted or anything, just confused. I've only had three or four true crushes, and one girlfriend—how can you dictate my type from that? The girls I've liked have had a few consistencies, but they're also very different, so what data is she using to make this assumption? I can't identify many staples a woman needs to have in order for me to be attracted to her, so I don't know where she's getting this from.
And, my third question...
3: How were they attracted to me?
What did they see in me? Was it purely physical, or did they like some part of who I was? Was this a small-time attraction, or an emotional investment? I guess it also begs the question 'When in my life was this?', seeing as I've changed here and there over the years, but regardless, what part of me drew them to me? Was there sexual attraction? Holy shit, the thought of someone actually wanting to fuck me... man... that's gonna take a while to sink in and find its place in my head :P Christ, some girl somewhere could have actually masturbated to the thought of me... >.>
I'm obviously looking too far into this, and none of this matters because none of these girls are attracted to me anymore (nor are they my type, whatever that is :P), but it's still interesting to wonder. It doesn't change the fact that I don't get out much, it doesn't change the fact I'm shit scared of talking to people I don't know, and it doesn't change the fact that I have no real way of meeting new people in the first place; but it does give me less reason to beat myself up over what I look like, and might lead to a little more confidence with teh womenz.
And would my friend please ANSWER AT LEAST SOME OF THESE QUESTIONS AND GIVE ME SOME CLOSURE DAMMIT I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET >.<
...please? :)
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