So I went to an engagement party two weeks ago. I anticipated it quite a lot, as it's the first 'adult' social event I've gone to where I've thought "hmm... let's actually try to have fun" :P Though I can't remember exactly when or where I saw this, someone on seddit advised that people keep logs on their social outings, so I've decided to do that. Not that I'll post them all here, but I want to keep a record of what I did right, what I did wrong, and what I can do in the future to not do the wrong things again.
POSITIVES
Conversed with family, more than usual
I talked more at this outing than I usually do. I was certainly more open to conversation, and more responsive when spoken to. I certainly could have been a little more talkative than I was, but this was an improvement, most certainly.
Did not feel uncomfortable with not having dinner or not being too conversational
Strangely enough, I didn't feel weird about not eating or not being as talkative as everyone else. Granted, most of these people know I don't eat properly anyway, but not everyone at the table knew, and I didn't care about what they thought. I wasn't asked about it any more than once, and I just said I ate before I came (which I actually did; I'm usually lying when I say that :P). There was also a pile of funsize chocolates in the middle of each table, meaning I could still eat a little bit in the company of other guests. After dinner, cos I was sitting with people my age, they talked about TV shows and other stuff which I wasn't interested in, making it hard to engage. But I simply listened as much as I could, rather than bowing my head and playing on my phone. Speaking of my phone...
Kept hands off phone for far longer than usual (and far longer than everyone else at my table)
Though I'm usually the first to whip my phone out (and never for any genuine reason, like getting a call or a text), I was the last person on my table to take my phone out. Theirs sat beside their plates; mine sat in my pocket. I did eventually take it out, but it was a long time before that happened. I just listened to the conversation, as uninteresting as it was (football and Big Brother can both fuck off and die plz).
Did not care about my teetotalism
I was the only one at my table (and probably the whole party) not drinking alcohol. But so what? Am I supposed to give a fuck or something? No one else gave a fuck, and even if they did, why should I? No concern whatsoever on my part :)
NEGATIVES
Didn't initiate conversation much
As much as I responded to being spoken to, and as much as I listened to the conversation around me, I wasn't exactly making my own conversation. I'm not to worried about that shortcoming, though. For starters, everyone at my table was super-different to me in terms of interests. They all liked sport, and I didn't. They talked about TV shows I had no interest in. We didn't have much in common, so I doubt there was anything I could have said to captivate their interests. Fuck, when they were talking about Big Brother, they kept saying it was a shit show but they watched it anyway--the cynic in me was having a fit. So many responses I rightfully kept to myself :P
Did not wish to dance
This was probably the biggest failure of the night for me. I'm here with family, people I should be (and, for the most part, was) comfortable with--but I didn't dance. I didn't want to dance. I wanted to feel like dancing, but I didn't want to actually get up and go over there. Maybe if there'd been some girls there my age who were dancing (who weren't my cousins, or my tipsy mother :P), I would have had some incentive to dance :P But, alas, I didn't dance at all. This is also where the phone came out. I didn't feel uncomfortable with the phone, not at all; I felt fine sitting there playing Minesweeper and Sudoku. But I'd be a fool to deny that dancing would have been the better option in the long term, if only for the experiential gains I would have made.
I think there were two problems here that caused this (apart from the whole '0% chance of sexy times' thing :P). First off, where I was sitting at the table, I faced away from the dance floor rather than towards it. I looked over my shoulder a few times to see what was going on, but didn't really turn around that often. If I ever go to another event with a dance floor, I need to face it so I can see what (and who) I'm missing.
Visualised people in my head being sexual
When I was playing on my phone, the first 30 minutes or so were pretty cool; the puzzles were making me quite smiley. But eventually, for some reason, images came into my head of people feeling each other up, kissing, fucking each other. While it sounds like sexual frustration (it isn't... >.>), it's more that I was thinking this to be what should have been happening to me at this event. It was a side effect of me not dancing: my brain went "hey, if you went up there and danced, a girl might suck your dick. Think about that for a second." Maybe I don't want to think about that for a second :P There were no women there my age, and even if there were, the chances of me getting that far were slim-to-nil for a wide variety of reasons.
The fact of the matter is my phone can only distract me for so long. After a while, it loses its ability to do so, especially when more social alternatives make themselves available. The only way to deal with this is to engage in something that actually takes my mind off that stuff--or, engage in activity that makes the sexy scenarios possible in the first place such that they act as an incentive rather than an annoyance. I'm not gonna care about visualising a blowjob when one's happening to me right there and then, am I?
Lips were dry towards end; was also tired long before everyone else
My bottom lip was dry as fuck towards the end, and all I wanted to do was go home and put Vaseline on the bastard so it didn't hurt. While it sounds like nothing, it was affecting my mood quite a bit. I mean, let's say there was some hot chick on the dance floor: would I have wanted to dance with her if my lip was starting to crust up? Of course not! What if she wanted to kiss me? What if that actually happened? Would I have let myself get that far, only to be thwarted by some goddamn lip-burn? Not a chance. Next time, Vaseline will be applied before I leave. I will not be held responsible for dry-lipped smooching. The cunnilingus will not be uncomfortable because of my lips. The sex I'll be incredibly lucky to have will only happen if the entire body is on board, goddamnit >.<
I was also getting tired quite a while before we left. We did stay until, like, 1:30 am, so it's not like this is totally unreasonable, but I didn't eat much before we left (a box of breadsticks isn't exactly long-lasting energy), so I was running on empty towards the end. I basically need to eat more before i go out, like, I dunno... two boxes of breadsticks :P
Given my only real goal was to be comfortable, I succeeded for the most part. There were a few moments of mild discomfort, and they were quite short. This was a family thing, so it was easier for me to be comfortable here than it would be at a party with strangers, but this was still an improvement over the usually 'bored shitless' attitude I normally have at these things.
So, goal for next outing: four hook-ups in one night. Seems like the next step :)
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