:|

So, having learned about phimosis, having learned I have phimosis, and having tried jerking off with a condom in spite of my phimosis (to no avail in terms of pleasure), I've decided to start trying to fix it. Over the past two weeks, on most days, I've tried to stretch my foreskin in the shower such that I'' eventually be able to pull it back. I think, though, that phimosis may only be one of the problems I have with my dick.

This is the part where you should realise where this is going and stop reading if you are squeamish :P

I think my foreskin might be attached to my frenulum (head). I can't see it very well, mainly because I'm in the shower and there's water in the way, but also cos I can't exactly get up close and personal due to where my dick is in relation to my eyes. But it just seems like there's this bit of skin joining the two down the bottom, a bit of skin I can only see if I pull the foreskin back far enough to see the bottom of my frenulum. When I pull back any further, it hurts, but I don't know if that's only because the foreskin is taut and can't stretch anymore, or because I'm tugging on this bit of skin (it could be both). I'm hesitant to pull any harder because I don't want to hurt myself or end up in hospital; it's not worth it.

The thing is, if there is a bit of skin connecting my foreskin and my frenulum, that makes this more complicated. From what I'm reading, this connection is there from birth, but is supposed to go away during puberty—unfortunately, for some guys, it hangs around. Some are a bit more lucky in that, when they pull their foreskin back over time, like I'm currently doing, it breaks on its own; for those a bit less lucky, it needs medical attention. From what I can gather, it's just a quick snip while you're under anaesthetic, but under certain circumstances, the only solution may be circumcision. I really don't want medical attention, not on my dick. When I first read about it, I was like "Well fuck it! I won't have sex then. It's not worth this shit. I don't even wanna think about it! shudder". But if it's over in a day and I'm not getting circumcised, I think I can deal with that. Circumcision, though? Fuck off. Leave my foreskin alone.

It made me uncomfortable to realise I might need surgery, though. Medical procedures in general make me restless, and just looking at my dick with this new information grosses me out. It's not a pleasant sight, and an even less pleasant thought in my head as to what I might have to do to get this thing fixed. I guess I'm lucky in that I don't have a girlfriend bugging me to get it fixed so she can be properly intimate with me, and in that I don't have women regularly hitting on me, only being rejected due to my penile fopahs. But I'm still not comfortable with this, really.

Stupid hipster penis: just had to be different.

EDIT: I just checked my little guy out again while he was flaccid, and I can see the little bit of skin much clearer now. I'm now certain the foreskin and frenulum are joined :(

Luck: An Inconsistent Mistress

I don't know how, but things are actually working out quite well for me at the moment! First off, I'm still looking forward to the 21st I'm going to on Saturday. No anxiety or anything just yet, though I'm sure that'll hit when it always does: in the last few hours leading up to the party. Should be fun :)

And in stand-up news, I'm kinda-sorta on the way to making this happen! A few days after asking the Film and Performance Society if I could perform stand-up at my uni's Orientation Week, they made a post on their wall stating that all their executives had to leave the club for one reason or another, and that they were basically shutting up shop unless people offered to take on the now-empty executive roles. The former President replied to my post minutes later saying he thought a stand-up performance for the new peeps was a cool idea, but though the club itself couldn't help given its situation, the Centre for Student Engagement might take me up on my offer. I'm hoping to see them tomorrow.

Making the pitch will be scary -- I can't imagine how they're gonna react to some random person wanting to perform stand-up at this otherwise-huge event -- but hopefully they can organise something. I was worried when FaPS didn't reply for the first few days, but I just might have a chance here :D

And in addition to the 21st I mentioned earlier, I now have another gathering with strangers to go to! A friend of mine from high school invited me to an overnight stay at his place a week from today, which will end the following Sunday. I figured it'd be a LAN party dealie, with other people from high school bringing their computers and playing games all weekend, but I was totally wrong: apparently, the host is inviting his college friends--people who live all over the state--to just chill, play Xbox, go to the beach, etc. I was also told me I'll be the only local person there: this rules out pretty much anyone else from my old high school making an appearance. So it's more strangers! More randoms! Yay! ^_^

They might criticise my eating habits, seeing as I'll be taking my own food for dinner and whatnot; but those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. Also not quite the environment for making any friends I can hang out with given they're all from out of town, but again, it'll still be cool to meet new people regardless. What are the chances of having two events like this in the space of a week? It's insane!

It would appear, from recent events in my life, that I am now denouncing my atheism. I was wrong. I have seen the light. He has spoken to me through offerings aplenty. I can finally say "yes, I have felt his presence inside me!" I can finally believe!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is real and he's making my life better through his noodly appendages!

Possibilities: Possiblities Everywhere

Two big things coming up for me! Well, one thing for certain, and one thing for not-so-certain.

This Saturday, I'm going to a 21st party. This will be the first party of its nature I've been to in a long time, that being the type with people my age + booze. Usually, only one of those two things is present, but here, they will be combined in a festival of... slightly-drunken white people :P  There will be adults there too—it's not exclusively people my age, but I figure that's who I'll be hanging with.

When I went to this guy's 18th, I forwent hanging with his group of friends in exchange for sitting by myself messing around on my iPod. This is obviously not something I want to do twice :P  So I'm hoping I can get in there and be with them instead this time. I don't know any of birthday-boy's friends, so I'll be the lone wolf, but I think I can do this. I've gotten better at conversing with people over the last few months, so now I can move forward a step and practice introductions. These won't even be the type where I have to walk over to a group of people, all of whom are strangers, and then worry about them wondering what I'm doing or why I'm saying 'hi'; it's the easy type where I know at least one person and can just be introduced through them, at least to some extent. I'll have to do all the heavy lifting regarding explaining who I am, what I do, what I like, etc., but I'll be given an easy way in that I really should take advantage of.

I don't know how it'll go, but I'm excited. Even though we only got an invitation a week ago, I've anticipated this event for a while as a 'guaranteed party' of sorts, inferring that the guy will have a 21st party just like the one he had for his 18th. It's the first time in ages that I get to meet new people in a social setting! This never happens! I don't wanna get my hopes up or set my expectations too high, but I do wanna go with a positive mindset so I can make the most out of this opportunity. I've had a few fantasies where I manage to hook up with a girl at the party, but I keep telling myself "No! Don't set up a pretty picture in your mind and aspire to replicate it—you've made that mistake before! If you meet a chick and you get into her pants (as well as one can when one has phimosis, anyway :P), then cool, that'll be fun; but in the more likely scenario where that doesn't happen, just enjoy the party for what it is." I just wanna go with an open mind and have fun, maybe meet some people, maybe start a friendship or two. Anything on top of that is a bonus.

In other news, I asked the Film and Performance Society if I can perform for the new students at university during Orientation Week! That would be so awesome! I have all kinds of ideas for bits I want to include: bits that are open, profane, etc., to mark the leap in maturity and tolerance from high school to university; bits that feature critique and dissent to emphasise the intellectual aspect of uni; and more general bits that will appeal to anyone, regardless of religious beliefs, political affiliation, sexuality, etc., to highlight the inclusive nature of the community. They haven't replied yet (their page has been inactive for months, so I'm worried they won't reply at all :| ), but I'm hoping they do soon, so I can get things organised. I guess I won't be too annoyed if I don't get to perform, but I'm still gunning for stage time—it's been 8 months since I've been up there, goddamn it!

Again, I might even get to meet people! I don't know how many of them will hang around after the show is finished (many will have to go places for other things, particularly enrolment), but maybe some conversations will be started :)  I can't express enough how much fun it'd be to do stand-up for the new students, but even if I can't get in for them, I can still perform during the semester, which starts directly afterwards.

So much excite! ^_^

Adequacy

I've been feeling down quite a bit lately, probably for the past week or so. I haven't really felt this consistently depressed for a while. I don't know why it's started now, all of a sudden—I can't think of what's provoked it—but I just don't feel adequate as a person, at least not in a romantic/sexual context. I just feel like less of a person than other guys. It's not one specific thing, either; it's a compound of all sorts of things, of everything I see in myself as a problem.

I remember saying in an entry a while ago that my skills with women were merely an extension of my skills with people in general—well, as true as that might be, it's not quite that simple. Since I vowed in September to improve my social skills and branch out a bit more, I have noticed a significant improvement in my basic interaction skills. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, or where I should be, but I've made progress. I'm comfortable on a more regular basis when talking to both friends and strangers; I'm a little more talkative; I've learned some things about how to keep conversations going; I've made efforts to listen more and interject less. But when it comes to women, my skills haven't gone forward, or even gone nowhere; they've gone backward.

I think back to high school and marvel at what I managed to do. However I fathomed the courage, I asked two girls out in the space of six months. Haven't asked a single one out since then. How the fuck did I do it? Didn't I have less character back then? When I asked Sally out at the end of Year 10, I hardly even knew who I was—I certainly didn't identify as a comedian, or anything else, at that point in time. But even with that, I still said "Well, fuck it, let's do this shit." Took me two years, but once I got there, scepticism jumped off a fuckin' cliff. No "what if she rejects you?", or "what if she laughs at you?", or any of that shit. I just did it.

Same with my ex: I liked her for a few months, and then just fuckin' asked when the opportunity came along. The decision to ask at the specific time was a spur of the moment thing. Again, no fears of rejection or anything: I just went up to her and asked her to a goddamn movie.

I can't do that anymore because the long periods of time required for feeling to develop are gone. That's what pushed me to do what I did in the past: I liked the girls so much for so long that I just had to ask. I just wanted to fucking know whether they were interested; it eventually got to a point where my ignorance was worse than any potential rejection. That 'waiting' shit doesn't work at uni, or anywhere in adulthood, really. I can't wait for two years to ask one person out again—that's just ridiculous—and there's no recess or lunch period for me to hang around someone I like in a group and warm to them slowly over a few weeks/months. It's not an option anymore.

But I'm not used to doing this any other way. I don't like girls as soon as I fucking look at them: their bodies alone will not convince me to do anything. I can't remember the last time I saw a girl I even wanted to walk up to, let alone one I had feelings for. The spontaneity doesn't mesh with me at all. I miss having a girl to like—that by itself would make me happy. Forget asking her out; I don't give a shit about that, not right now. I just want someone to think about so I can feel better. That alone would be amazing.

Along with this, the deficiencies in my personality lead me to think it's actually immoral to approach women. I think about doing it, and it feels so wrong, like I'm not allowed to do it yet because I haven't earned the right. I know I'm not a complete asshole—I treat women with respect as equals, and I don't set out to control or manipulate them. I suppose in that respect, I'm technically better than some current boyfriends. I know I'm not a bad person; I'm just an incomplete person. I don't have any real career desires (apart from comedy, which isn't a career I can say I'm actively working towards ); I don't have any real hobbies apart from comedy and typical geeky shit which only serves to alienate people; I have almost no confidence; I don't have any desire to travel, eat normal food, drink alcohol, or try dangerous things in general; and I'm sexually deformed. Who would want to be with someone so broken and boring? I see no appeal. And with that in mind, even if I were to convince myself I'm a half-decent guy, and I actually managed to talk to a girl, wouldn't all these problems eventually come to light regardless? It seems deceptive to just sweep those shortcomings under the rug like that.

Thinking about my ex made me feel a little better. It proves that there was at least one person who was willing to give me a chance. I often compare myself to my friends in terms of their lives, and though most of my friends seem to be in relationships and sexually active, I have one friend who's never been in a relationship or had sex before. I'm definitely not the worst off, even if I am still behind the majority. But even if a girl liked me in high school, I'm not in high school anymore. The standards are different now; the bar's been raised. Sex is a thing I have to worry about now; it was a complete non-issue before. Same with having a job, thinking about one's future—even having experience in prior romantic/sexual relationships—they're all relevant things now, things I didn't have to worry about at all with the girls I liked before.

It's not like this is anyone's fault but my own: I'm responsible for making myself attractive to others, end of story. No one is obliged to find me attractive or interesting; the world owes me nothing. But it seems so impossible to fix even one of these problems in a reasonable amount of time, let alone all of them. I know you don't have to be perfect to have a relationship, but I feel like I'm too far down the other end of the spectrum to have a chance. I wish I could get at least some of the confidence back, cos that's the key to fixing the other problems, especially the risk taking ones. Sometimes I wish I could just turn my desire for a relationship off so this crap doesn't happen, but that can't be done. I can't disable it and I can't suppress it. I have to live with it.

Aspirations: Shit's Getting Serious

I've been thinking a lot about doing comedy at uni—like, a lot. I'm fixated on it. I want to do it. I want to perform stand-up. I want to perform improv. I want to expand my skills and meet other performers. I have hardly any money left, but if someone gave me the chance to perform out of town right now, I'd spend every last cent on train tickets and cab fares to get where they wanted me to be. I'm so in the mood to perform. It's been eight fucking months! Gimme a staaagggggeeeeee. Gimme an audieeennnccceeeee!

It's not even the fact I wanna meet people, or at least not just the fact that I wanna meet people. I do wanna expand socially, and I see performing as a way to give me the self-worth that will make such expansion possible, but even if I already had a social circle, I'd be busting a gut to get this shit started. And to perform in these fields only to gain popularity is a sure path to failure: you need to be invested in it to succeed. Dedication to your craft is vital, and people will notice if you're without it. I've not stopped writing jokes since I started over four years ago, so I've got the material; I just need a stage.

I've been posting my jokes to r/standupshots since May last year, but seeing as I'm only posting the written version of each joke next to a picture of my face, sans verbal intonations and comic pauses, it's hard to gauge the audience's reaction. That's not to mention reddit's predominately American audience leading to some jokes flying over their heads cos they don't get what I'm referencing, and some jokes I can't tell cos they're about Australian politics. It's helpful to get a rough idea of how a joke performs, see if I can get suggestions on improving it, but ultimately, the only way to properly evaluate these jokes is on a stage, before a live audience.

I have big dreams here, too. I do wanna get in touch with the Film and Performance Society and see if I can hook up with them, get some dates organised at the UniBar or something, but I want it to be so much bigger than that. I'd love to have a section of the FaPS dedicated to comedy of all forms, so we could have a lot more comedy going on. We could have an open mic night once a month. We could get travelling comedians in to perform, if I can get the connections. We could get a group together for improv, do our own version of Whose Line is it Anyway? (I'm dying to do that. oh my fucking god). We could even teach stand-up/improv if we got good enough at it. We could get in touch with the theatre people and have some comedic plays written or performed, get other writers/performers involved. It would be soooooooo cccooooooooooollll.

But what is there now? Nothing. There are no comedians performing, nor anyone I know of seeking to organise anything I've just listed. As wild and out-of-character it sounds, I'd like to spearhead the movement, maybe manage it myself if it got big enough. I'd love to be 'that guy who got comedy at the University of Wollongong started', not just for the prosperity of the title, but for all the good it'll do me in practice. I'd get leadership and organisational skills, I'd meet people of all sorts, I'd get connections into the outside comedy world (hopefully), and I would have an incredibly fun few years of uni to boot, doing what I love to do. It's insane to think any of this would actually happen—maybe it'll crash and burn, go nowhere, end up dead and buried in the ground—but I could try, goddamnit :P

Starting with stand-up nights would be the best, I think, seeing as I already do that. I figure that if I perform solo, and other people want to perform, they'll see or hear about me and go "oh, you can do that? Cool! Where do I sign up?", and either find me after the show to talk about it, or find the FaPS on their own and sort it out with them. If enough people express interest, we could have some pretty interesting and varied comedy nights ahead of us. If the word spreads around enough, and there's significant interest in comedy at the uni, we might be able to pull bigger names in, though I don't know how booking venues at the uni works for that sort of thing. I know comedians have performed at Orientation Weeks before (:O I should email the guy from FaPS about performing at some point in O-Week for the new people! :D), so it's definitely not entirely foreign to have big names perform there, but I haven't heard of it happening recently.

And as I've mentioned countless times, doing improv at the UniBar (or at a dedicated stage, whatever works) would be the fucking bomb. I'd need to first find a group of players, seeing as doing improv alone is basically doing stand-up without a script, but I figure that if I do stand-up, I'd soon meet people who'd be interested in that, maybe people studying Theatre. Might need some improv musicians too for musical games, if we wanted those. But it would be incredible to get that started. Doing all the TheatreSports games, the Whose Line? games, maybe have a host, maybe bring guests on stage for certain games—soooooo much fun to be had! I'm not too sure of my own skill (or that of anyone else who'd be interested), cos while I've watched a shit ton of Whose Line?, I have little-to-no technical experience (I might end up learning off the Theatre people, lol), but I'd still be willing to give it a shot and learn the ropes.

My biggest dream (well, biggest remotely-achievable dream :P) is to tour around to different unis during their break periods, doing stand-up, improv, or both. That would be a great experience. I'd obviously need 30-45 minutes of solid, undated material, and/or a troupe of experienced players who could make an audience laugh consistently in a wide array of situations. And I'd need connections with a whole bunch of other unis willing to host us, maybe even contribute performers of their own to open for us. But if I pulled it together, it'd be an incredible milestone. It'd take lots of work—lots of writing, lots of performing, lots of training—but it'd be worth it in the end, I'm sure. I'd get to tour without having to worry about a passport, or not having stuff to eat.

It all seems so utterly insane given that, right now, I have not performed at uni even once, and have no connections whatsoever. But it'd make me so happy to get this shit happening. I don't do anything extra-curricular so I usually have a lot of spare time: I'd rather use that time for something awesome like this, rather than just going home and playing video games all the time. There's, like, no negatives here apart from the effort I'd have to put in initially with meeting people and getting things established. Once the snowball starts rolling, while it will still take work, it won't be quite as hard cos the foundations will already have been laid. You know, the foundations... you use to build snowballs... fuck off, you know what I mean :P

Another thing is the question of demand: does anyone actually want comedy performances at my uni? I dunno. There aren't any there, so maybe not. But perhaps if there are performances to watch, people will go watch. It's not like I'd be charging money or anything for people to watch: they could just drop by the UniBar, or whatever other venue, and see what's happenin'. I'm not 100% sure how I'd get word out either, seeing as I'm utterly hopeless with the whole networking thing, but the FaPS could probably handle that side of it as a group, I guess.

For the sake of my own arrogance your entertainment, here are some stand-up shots I've posted to reddit. Let me know what you think of them if you like :)

And to make them bigger, just click on them (I had to shrink them to get them to fit on the page).

Condoms: :/

So I tried masturbating with a condom on the other night, just for the hell of it. I thought about it a few weeks ago and started wanting to know what it felt like to actually wear one of these things. I knew it'd be a while before I got into bed with anyone, and I figured it'd be best to practice putting on one and getting used to the sensation before attempting to actually have sex. That, and I wanted to know if my phimosis would affect either either the fit or the stimulation.

I stalled for a few minutes before opening the wrapper. I still have all twelve condoms that came in the pack cos I had them bought for me for my Year 12 Formal & the subsequent after-party, but never used the one I took with me (my mum got them for me—she was more optimistic than I was :P). I felt awkward about not having the whole set anymore, like I wanted the whole collection to expire together or something :P  I was actually surprised to discover the expiry date is September 2015—these things last four years? Goddamn.

After I got over that, and after I got as hard as I could, I unpacked the condom. It was so weird looking at it; I laughed at least once or twice. They just look so goofy, man. I found the tip and put it on the head of my dick, then rolled it down. It was a tight fit, which made me feel good about my girth (even though I knew full well it was tight only cos I couldn't retract the foreskin), but it was also a little uncomfortable—it really was choking the chicken :P  I got it right the first time, though, without ripping or tearing it or anything, which was an achievement of sorts.

Once it was on, I started to jerk off. I wanted to move my hand without moving the foreskin, seeing as that's what I figure would happen if I was inside a woman: the lube on the condom, along with her natural lubrication and any extra stuff we added in, would have my dick just sliding whole, the condom preventing the foreskin from moving at all. Much to my disappointment, it didn't feel that good. It didn't feel bad; it just felt like nothing. With both the condom and my foreskin between my hands and my shaft, there was almost no pleasure to be had. Had a damn good fantasy going in my head, too, but even the best fantasy in the world couldn't have made this feel any better. I'd read up on having sex with phimosis beforehand, so I'd been warned. hence my disappointment being somewhat expected, but it still kinda sucked that I couldn't feel anything. I'll have to get this shit fixed.

On the other hand, it was kinda good to learn this before having sex with a girl. I mean, let's say I got with one of the chicks I had my eyes on at my Year 12 Formal. Let's say I'd managed not only to walk over and say 'hi', but we talked, we flirted, we kissed, we felt each other up, we got naked, and I got to have sex for the first time with her, only for it all to be ruined by my extended foreskin (whose nature as 'extended' I was unaware of at the time). Not only would it have been an embarrassing buzzkill for me, it would have sucked for her too. She might have felt like she was inadequate because I wasn't as pleasured as I should have been, or not felt what she expected to feel, hence not been pleasured herself. If there's one way that evening could have been ruined any more than it already was, it's that way :P  Saved myself a lot of grief, I suppose.

I eventually gave up and moved the foreskin with the condom on to get the job done. Even that felt kinda crappy. I can't move the foreskin much as it is, and it wasn't as stimulating as it usually is, so it was more about just getting finished than anything else. I eventually came, which felt unusual given I was cumming into a small plastic bag, but still felt good nonetheless. Taking it off was a right bitch: my pubic hairs kept getting caught in it as I rolled it off :P  Gotta do some manscaping; it's a bit unruly down there to say the least. Tied it up, threw it away, went to sleep.

Overall, it was pretty meh. I just want my phimosis gone: it fucking sucks. If I somehow manage to hook up/go out with a girl before I deal with it, all I'm gonna be up for is a handjob, maybe some cunnilingus. That's better than anything I've had/done before, I know, but I want more than that, and she probably will too. I have enough things inhibiting me when it comes to interacting with the ladies, so I don't need this shit making me nervous or unwilling to escalate when the time comes.

Questions 4: No, I haven't seen that movie

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Can't remember.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Shy. All the fucking time.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

No one, really. Met up with two friends in the past two weeks so I'm satisfied as far as meet-ups go :)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

If we've just met, I'll be in my shell and hard to talk to. Once we've spoken for a bit, I'll eventually come out and be easier to deal with. I'm fairly sure I'm easy to get along with if you're already my friend.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Don't have feelings for anyone right now.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People who are happy and intelligent, who I can make happy, who like to laugh. I would get into body types, but it's all over the shop—I know what I like when I see it.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nah. I highly doubt any opportunities for me to meet people will pop up in that time.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Lucy (seeing as I scabbed these questions from her blog :P).

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not in the slightest. Hard to say it does when you've talked about pornography in front of several hundred people on-stage :P

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Either Bri or my mum, can't remember.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Wished my mum a happy New Year.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

• Breathe, by The Prodigy
• Disparate Youth, by Santigold
• Body Movin', by Beastie Boys
• Moving Shadow 02.1 DnB mix, by Timecode
• Intergalactic, by Beastie Boys

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Fuck yes ^_^

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Miracles, no. 'Miracle' is a religious synonym for 'magic', which is bullshit. As for luck, it depends on what you mean. If you just mean the fact that some people just happen to be more fortunate than other people for no specific reason, and someone's 'luck' can be calculated based on that fortune, then sure, luck exists. But people are not inherently lucky or unlucky.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I finished a big video project that I had lying around for ages, and it was well received. I also got way better marks for uni than I thought I would :)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Nah. I'd have to be wasted to even consider it.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Well, consider the alternative: if there isn't life on any other planets, and our planet is destroyed, that would result in the complete absence of life from the entire universe. It seems silly to think we're the only life forms floating around this vast expanse of matter and energy.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nope.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Who doesn't?

20. Do you like your neighbours?

They're OK. I wish their dog would shut the fuck up though, goddamn :P

21. What are your bad habits?

Wow, can I even list them all here? :P

• Eating habits
• Procrastinatation
• Being scared to try new things

and plenty more I have probably forgotten about.

22. Where would you like to travel?

If I was prepared to travel, I'd love to do a tour of Australian universities and perform stand-up all over the country. Even better would be to tour with an improv troupe to perform improv nationwide, maybe in a Theatresports competition or something. I'd like to go to the US and dabble in the comedy circuit if at all possible, maybe Canada and the UK too (then I can go to the Montreal/Edinburgh festivals :D).

23. Do you have trust issues?

Sometimes, yes. But they're never justified.

24. Favourite part of your daily routine?

Talking with friends online. And going on YouTube binges.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Mouth. Teeth all out of whack, won't accept new noms... get your shit together, mouth.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check email.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I'm fine with my skin the way it is. If anything, I wish its colour was consistent. Damn tan lines.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My friends, all of them, regardless of the time it's been since we last met. Met up with a friend I hadn't seen in over a year last Friday and I was comfortable as fuck.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I fucking wish :P

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Eh, not really. I don't like the idea of being in a 'lifelong' contract like that. I'd feel awful it it were to dissipate, especially if we'd brought children into the mix.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

No way.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Fuck celebrities.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

no u

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Wii Sports... >.>

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

If you mean just the idea of watching TV on a TV, watching recent shows, etc, then TV can go. If you include TV shows online, music can go. Take Whose Line? from me and I will wither into dust.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Heaps of times.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing. That's why they're awkward silences and not awkward talkings.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Shy, but still open enough to talk. Finds me funny. Is happy with her body and doesn't go to extraneous lengths to try and 'fix' it. Likes to kiss and cuddle. Has a hobby I can embrace and support her in.

39. What are your favourite stores to shop in?

JB Hi Fi, and The Gamesmen. Only been there once since the Wollongong store closed down, but the Penhurst one has all these retro consoles set up towards the back which you can play, and a whole bunch of old machines in cases which you can look at. That and they sell retro titles, unlike every other gaming store I've been to lately.

40. What do you want to do after high school university?

I don't really know. As much as I'd love to tour around and do comedy, it seems out of reach. Maybe if I get into it at uni and meet the right people, that's where I'll go.

Otherwise, I wanna go back to uni and get a more practical degree to sit alongside my Philosophy major, like a Bachelor in Computer Science. Even if I rack up a huge HECS debt, if it means I can find a job, who fucking cares.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends what you've done. Most things are forgivable, others simply aren't.

42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Depends where my eyes are. If I'm looking at you, I'm thinking about you or what you're saying. If I'm looking at the ground, I'm thinking to myself.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Nope nope nope nope nope. Eyes towards the ground, shuffle along, avoid eye contact.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Spaaaaaaaaaaaccccceeeee.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

A will to wake up and do things other than sleep, followed by my sheets being moved off my body, my legs being pulled back and moved over to the side of my bed, my body being sat up and stretched, and finally, my standing up. You having trouble with this shit, question-writer?

46. What are you paranoid about?

Economic collapse and/or the battle for resources. Any mention of those subjects will scare me shitless.

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope. I actually considered it recently (hypothetically, in terms of whether or not I'd take the opportunity were I given one), but I haven't touched it yet. If I get the chance, maybe I will, maybe I won't.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nope. No real desire to get drunk either.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I suppose I have. Though, like most things I hope no one finds out about, I could be telling everyone about on-stage it in five-to-ten years when it has ceased to matter :P

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black, I think.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

I've wished I was like other people, but never actually wanted to be other people.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Eating habits. Get rid of that fucking shit and I'll have 50% of my problems almost solved :P

53. Favourite makeup brand?

The type a woman leaves on the shelf so I can see her face without it being obstructed >.<

54. Favourite store?

You already asked this, you silly person.

55. Favourite blog?

I only read, like, 2. Don't make me pick favourites.

56. Favourite colour?

Green :)

57. Favourite food?

Cake. Love me some cake ^_^

58. Last thing you ate?

Jatz.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Same as above.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I've been in a few, but never won, not even heats.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Closest I ever got to being suspended or expelled was getting told off for telling jokes on assembly without permission. Never even got on detention outside of primary school.

62. Been arrested? For what?

No. Though if I was ever arrested, I'd want it to be for protesting.

63. Ever been in love?

Of course.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I took my girlfriend up to the lighthouse and sat in one of the covered seating areas. I gave her my iPod so she could play Angry Birds while I got the courage to make my move. I kissed her on the lips a few times, but I had to lean over just to reach her, thus I was gone before she could react or 'kiss back'. Our first proper kiss would have happened right before she got on the bus to go home if we hadn't have headbutted when we came together :P

65. Are you hungry right now?

Yes. I'ma go get some Doritos when I'm through with this list.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

The very idea of 'tumblr friends' makes me lol.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Twitter.

69. Are you watching TV right now?

Nope.

70. Names of your best friends?

Bri. That's about it, really.

71. Craving something? What?

Doritos, now that I plan to get some.

72. What colour are your towels?

Dark green.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. How do you sleep with more than one? How does that even work?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Seeing as I'm not six anymore, no :P

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

A whole tub full.

75. Favourite animal?

Penguins. Because they are hilarious.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate. No contest.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookies and cream :D

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey and pink.

80. What colour pants?

Navy.

81. Favourite TV show?

Whose Line is it Anyway?

82. Favourite movie?

City of God

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

I prefer nice girls.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

I don't even know what 21 Jump Street is.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

That one with that thing? You know the thing she does? Yeah, that thing. She's my favourite character.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

The guy who's obsessed with bubbles. I can relate to that dude.

87. First person you talked to today?

Mum, when she left the house.

88. Last person you talked to today?

Same as above.

89. Name a person you hate?

Ken Ham. Fucking lying creationist piece of dogshit.

90. Name a person you love?

My mum. I don't say it enough :)

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Ken Ham. That goddamn son-of-a-bitch leeching of Bill Nye's credibility to further his pseudoscience >.<

92. In a fight with someone?

Nope.

93. How many sweatpants trackpants do you have?

Two or three pairs.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Same as above.

95. Last movie you watched?

Django Unchained, I think. That, or Die Hard 5. It's been a while since I watched a movie.

96. Favourite actress?

Not engaged enough with pop culture to have one.

97. Favourite actor?

Christoph Waltz. Talented son-of-a-bitch.

98. Do you tan a lot?

lol no

99. Have any pets?

Nope, dun wants.

100. How are you feeling?

Rather pleasant, and energetic. Thanks for asking :)

101. Do you type fast?

If we're ignoring the amount of errors I make, then yes, I type fast, as you do when you use all 8 fingers and both thumbs like a pro.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Lots of little things. Things I should have said, shouldn't have said. Things I should have done sooner rather than later. Oh well.

103. Can you spell well?

W-E-L-L

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

From time to time, yes. I wonder what it'd be like if we met up and talked.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yup. Burned my HSC notes in a bonfire along with a few other people.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

One person, maybe, by accident and without realisation.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Nope.

108. What should you be doing?

Going to get those Doritos, man.

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I am without Doritos :P

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

That's, like, everyone I have ever liked.

111. Do you have trust issues?

I'm starting to distrust the ability of the question-writer to come up with original questions rather than repeat ones from earlier in the fucking list.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I can't remember the last time I cried in front of anybody other than myself.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

'Liam' is not a malleable name, so none.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Once to Queensland when I was three years old. Don't remember it.

115. Do you play the Wii?

All the time. Love that shit :)

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yup. Drum 'n' bass pumpin' out the subwoofer.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

I did not know chickens could be made into noodles. This fascinates me.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Never eaten it.

119. Favourite book?

Animal Farm

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Pitch black when I'm unaware of my surroundings, yes.

121. Are you mean?

Sometimes, but rarely. I try to be a nice person.

122. Is cheating ever okay?

It can be forgiven, but it's never okay.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Nope. Tis nigh impossible.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Lust at first sight, sure, but not love; that shit takes time.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Nope. The suitability of any two people can be measured using various spectra and is never absolute.

126. Are you currently bored?

Nah.

127. What makes you happy?

Hearing good jokes. Talking with friends, meeting up with them in town or at other social things. Playing games with friends. Performing on-stage.

128. Would you change your name?

I would if I could think of a decent name. I think if I got into comedy and made enough money, I might have to if my name conflicts with some other famous actor's name.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Leo

130. Do you like subway?

I like trains that are underground, yes.

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Worry about how I'm going to deal with that given they're the only person I talk to on a regular basis.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Again, you already asked this. Silly tumblr pplz with their short attention spans.

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Seeeeeeee mmmyyyyyy vest! See my vest!
Made of real gorilla chest!
See this sweater? There's no better
than authentic Irish setter

See this hat? Twas my cat.
Evening wear: vampire bat!
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.

Been too long since I watched that show.

134. Can you count to one million?

...yes :P

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Too many to count.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed. Can't let people hear me... explore >.>

137. How tall are you?

Five foot something-or-other.

138. Curly or straight hair?

Somewhere in the middle. I have curls here and there. As for what I like, depends on what suits the person.

139. Brunette or blonde?

Again, depends on the person. Some look better with brunette, others with blonde. Some with either, some with neither (why no love for the redheads?).

140. Summer or winter?

Summer. Cos uni break :D

141. Night or day?

Depends what I'm trying to get done.

142. Favourite month?

August.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Technically, yeah, cos I don't eat meat. But I don't eat vegetables either, so not really :P

144. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Dark chocolate all the way. 85% cocoa chocolate is the supreme leader of all chocolates, and if you disagree, you are wrong.

145. Tea or coffee?

Iced coffee :)

146. Was today a good day?

Got a package I ordered from Hong Kong a few days ago, even though I expected it to take a few weeks; and I fucked around with a Mario romhack. I'd say it was a good day :)

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars.

148. What’s your favourite quote?

"National pride does nothing but teach you how to hate people that you never met and take pride in accomplishments you had no part in whatsoever."

Doug Stanhope

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

No.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

'He's a fine lad. Plenty of openings for a big strong lad like him,' said Varneshi.

I gotta get onto actually reading this book, lol.