Music: Be Vewy Vewy Quiet; We're Wooking for Intolewance

As a gamer, I see all sorts of flame wars about which games are "better," which console is "winning," and which peripheral's vibration function stimulates the genitalia in the most cathartic manner. I'm not a musician (keep me away from anything capable of producing melodic sound :P) but I do listen to a lot of music. in today's society, with the Internet providing such easy access to music, I suppose that's not much of a surprise. YouTube is a great source of free music (pirated or otherwise :P) but, of course, the music drawing traffic on YouTube is... well, for lack of a better word... "shit-tastic," at least in my opinion (and, for any language-impaired halfwits who may be reading, so is everything that follows.)

Bieber is the #1 example; the creme de la creme of shitty music. I don't wanna hear a pre-pubescent plush doll talking about his baby, whether it be his dream girl or his dream child. I wanna see this baby he mentions so frequently before I even consider the possibility of his his reproductive system being even remotely active. I remember a news report on a concert Bieber held here in Australia a while back. Get this: it was called off after 3 songs because the crowd was too rowdy. Bruises, broken bones, even shattered kneecaps, and for what? For what? For a deluded culture where image is everything, that's what. And, of course, you have the girls holding up signs regarding informal marriage proposals; I don't know about you, but I most certainly do not want to marry a puppet. Why hate Bieber? Your hate is sure much better directed at his agents, the record company, and his parents for letting him become what he's become. Poor bastard probably hasn't made an independent decision since he said his first word. As for his other music... well, while his god-awful voice is most certainly recognisable enough for me to attribute the shit his label spits out to his name, I can't name anymore of his songs, so the chances of intelligent trash-talk are too low for me to want to continue discussion on the matter.

Let's move on to Kesha- shit, sorry. I meant Ke$ha. Just reading her name tells you how much of a cunt we have on our hands here. I don't think anyone who sticks a dollar sign in their name like that has any integrity to begin with, and this is before I've heard so much as a note or a beat. Why doesn't the record company just get a branding iron and burn the phrase "insert money here" just above her crotch, then proceed to record a music video where people are sticking Benjamins straight up her pussy? You could even have close-up shots of the teleportation machine inside her snatch (it'll fit, don't worry :P) and let the viewer watch as the bills dissolve in to particles, escape out the woman's rectum, fly over to Sony BMG (or whichever conglomerate pulls the strings,) magically come back together and land neatly on the already massive pile! It'd make her purpose far clearer to her listeners: I am here to take your money! Gimme gimme gimme! There are some lyrics for ya, K-Bitch K-Dog! I only demand a 500% cut! You won't find a better deal anywhere else! I don't know any of her songs by name either, purely because they all sound the fucking same. Can't tell one from the other; it's all the same perverted, uninspired electro-pop dumb motherfuckers get wet for.

The simple reason I can't name these songs is because I don't fucking listen to them, not intentionally anyway. I somehow manage to... not click those over-advertised links when I see them. I'd tell ya how I do it, but... you should already know how! It's ever so amusing to see these seemingly brainwashed slowpokes who, just before leaving these videos, tell everyone that what they've just listened to "isn't music" and that listeners should go listen to "real music." The definition of "music" and/or "real music" is not "what [you] like to listen to," mmkay? If these people want to listen to this music, let them. Think of them what you will, but to attempt to define music in such a blunt manner is pure bigotry. I think the music they're listening too is terrible as well, but that's my opinion which I can keep to myself away from the people the opinion concerns.

Here's some insight: right now, I'm listening to a song called "Rock Lobster" by The B-52's. Some of you may know it from hearing it back in the early 80s when it became a smash hit; others may know it from its appearance on Family Guy. Irrespective of where you heard it (which, may I remind you, has no impact on the original song and its quality) it's an... unusual song, to say the least. The music video only supports the theory :P The point is that I'm listening to it because I enjoy listening to it. I think it's a good song; its lyrics, its guitar, and its overall originality appeal to me. This doesn't mean I have to go and try to convince Bieber and Kesha (Ke$ha, sorry) fans to listen to Rock Lobster, or anything else by The B-52's. They can listen to their shit, and I'll listen to my shit. No fuss, no muss, and no arbitrary discourse! Oh well... the day we abandon pointless conflict is the day we officially become a utopia...