The Internet has, unsurprisingly, developed its own language. What's come about as a result of 10 to 15 years of rapid digital Westernisation and unrivaled physical ineptitude appears to be a very malformed and broken version of English, with a whole tonne of jargon thrown in for good exclusionary measure. Many of the terms we use are text-based alternatives to expressions we can not convey normally through digital means: LOL, ROFL, LMAO and all those emoticons are just a few examples that jump to mind, and this is perfectly understandable, if not extremely beneficial, to us as people. Language itself is a tool that provides a common knowledge base with regards to communications for all to use. It gives us all the same idea of what certain terms mean according to how they are used, and the context of the situation provides one with meaning pertaining to the situation.
This is where the formalities end.
Of all the terms, expressions, pictures and other means of communication we digital residents use on a day-to-day basis, one stands out for me as being the single worst permutation of letters I've yet seen arranged on paper or panels: "plz." Shorthand for "please," the adverb that you stick in to those sentences where you're asking someone for something and want to be polite, as to acknowledge the fact that you are asking this person to sacrifice their own resources for your own gain. If you don't know what the concept of politeness is, please look it up in your nearest dictionary. Even if you're slightly unsure of what I'm on about here, look it up. You will be doing everyone around you a big fucking favour, and learning things is fun!
Let's look at my context for a moment: I've published many a video in my 2 years as a content producer. Some of these videos have been tutorials that aim to assist the viewer in something they would otherwise not be able to themselves, and all of them have been provided 100% free of surplus charge to said viewer. This is why it boggles my mind when some ungrateful cunt comes along and asks me to help them in-game, right before sticking "plz" and their PSN ID on the end of their already malformed "sentence."
The act of asking alone demonstrates an extreme lack of gratitude; I just showed you how to do it! Step by step! Hell, I even talked you through it. Yes, perhaps the video didn't help you as much as I'd hoped, and that's a shame, but the other people saying "Thanks!" and "Great video!" beg to differ as to the video's usefulness. Irrespective of that, I've spent hours putting these videos together, so just why the fuck should I drop everything and schedule to help you do something that everyone else seems to be able to do themselves without any trouble?
Sticking "plz" on the end just tells me you can't even be bothered to type "P" then "L," followed by "E" and "A," right before hitting "S" and returning once more to the "E" to perform the arduous task of typing a 6 letter word. If we were all using mobile phone keypads to communicate over these here interwebs, I wouldn't see this as a reflection of laziness, because I can at least reason with the justification of using shorthand under those circumstances, but face it: most of you fuckers are using keyboards, so feel free to use all the keys. And take a lesson in grace from Jon Graham: "plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" is just as bad, if not worse, than the "root" form "plz." Its use doesn't demonstrate impoliteness as much as it demonstrates stupidity; the time you spent holding down the "Z" key could have been used pressing the OTHER FUCKING KEYS!
I couldn't give a shit how you speak to your chums and pals, but when you're speaking to someone you don't know and asking them for something, whatever it may be, a little grace goes a long goddamn way. When you fuckers apply for a job, don't be surprised when you get a rejection letter, packaged, to your surprise, with a tattered shred of paper from your resume; you know, the part where you said "I can has job plz?" I'm sure you'll be :( maybe even :'( but maybe you'll learn something. I know it's been a while, but don't fret; it's a good feeling, I assure you.
I can't remember where I read this, but as a quotation, it sums everything up nicely:
"If you type 'plz' instead of 'please' because it's shorter, I'll type 'no' instead of 'yes' because it's shorter."
No comments:
Post a Comment