Not sure how I went on this particular essay (might have cited a little too much from my sources at the cost of exposition and analysis), but I don't care, it's doneskis :)
Still waiting for the Performance Society to get back to me about performing, but in terms of material, I've got a lot of decent material lined up if I do get to perform. I took my laptop to uni and had a friend of mine read over some bits; she responded quite well, even pointing out one or two extra jokes I could include. This means my transition from purely-scripted stuff to kinda-scripted-kinda-improvised stuff will be nice and easy :)
I've also been thinking about approaches to ethics in romantic and sexual relationships, given both all the stuff on r/seduction I've been reading, and the essay I just did. I picked pornography for my essay topic, having to answer the question "Is pornography bad for sexual equality?" Reading the sources suggested to us by our lecturer, it seemed pretty obvious that porn does fuck with people's heads in ways they don't realise or understand, especially with regards to how men view women in terms of mere sex objects, and how women view themselves as needing to perform in certain sexual ways. Thing is, I've been watching porn since I was 13, but have hardly been affected by it (and the sources did make it clear that adolescent porn consumption is only one of many factors that influence teens' perspectives on sexuality).
To say my porn consumption has had no effect whatsoever would be a lie, but I've never thought girls were just things for me to fuck, I've never thought sexual violence or rape was even arousing, let alone acceptable, and until I was about 17 or 18, the acts normalised through porn (oral sex, anal sex, cumshots, etc.) didn't really feature in my personal fantasies. And speaking of those, my fantasies were usually these romantic, picturesque film sequences where both parties wanted to fuck each other and both parties enjoyed the sex. I dunno how I managed to keep thinking that way with all the porn I watched as a teenager, but alas, that's what most of my fantasies were like (and still are like). I wanted (and still want) to go out with girls, go on dates with them, hug and kiss them, talk with them, make love to them—who are these other dumbcunts who think porn is how sex is in real life? Do they think action movies are mirrors of reality too? Goddamn it, people are fucking gullible, man :P
Reading all the sources for the essay was just depressing. All this shit about how women are pressured to put out, then slut-shamed for putting out. The ones that do put out experience more depression and lower satisfaction; the ones that don't have a hard time getting any man's interest due to their being a 'prude'. Boyfriends showing their girlfriends hardcore, violent porn, convincing their girlfriend that they should totally do that shit. What the fuck is wrong with people >.< Granted, I've watched lots of educational stuff on sexuality too, videos on YouTube about consent, condom use, BDSM (just out of interest... I swear, seriously >.>), safe words, rape fantasies, a/bi/homosexuality—I don't know heaps, but I know more than the average person. And I'm certainly not some social conservative who thinks guys should only do it with their wife in missionary style just to procreate. It's just that people are so stupid that they see something on a screen, in a fictional universe, then apply that to reality like that's what they're supposed to do. It isn't.
And the body image shit, don't even get me started on the body image shit. Makes me want to smash advertisers' heads against brick walls. I remember when I was going out with my ex, one day we were walking home from the mall, and she said she was fat. I was astounded. This was the prettiest girl I knew, the fairest in all the land, telling me she was fat. I didn't get it. At all. I loved her size! She wasn't thin, but she wasn't fat—she was in the middle. I thought the fat on her body was normal, especially when compared to my complete lack of fat. Her body was amazing to me—and that was with her clothes on. God help her if I'd ever seen her naked. My dick would have asploded, man :P And obviously my feelings for her made her attractive in my eyes—beauty is in the eye of the beholder—but even today, I still think she looks good. I don't think about her sexually, but that doesn't stop me from thinking her body's attractive.
I wanna feel girls up and take their clothes off and lick them and eat them out and have them suck me off and fuck me—I definitely want to experience all that—but I want them to enjoy it. They'll have their own list of desires that I can fulfil, and fulfilling them will get me off because the look on their face and the sounds that they make when they're being pleasured are possibly the hottest fucking things on this planet. It creates this cognitive dissonance in me that, on one hand, women are their own people with their own decision-making capabilities, but on the other hand, I'm told they want men to take the lead, be the one with initiative, make bold moves... is that porn or is that how women normally are? If a woman likes it rough, fast, and hard, I'll do my best to be rough, fast and hard without being overzealous. But does she want that just cos some guy showed her porn and convinced her that's how this shit is supposed to go down, or cos she's a horny little bitch who genuinely wants a guy to fuck her brains out? How many women will respond positively to these things and how many won't? I dun knows :(
Why does having fun have to be such a bitch to justify, goddamn it :P
But getting back on track, I've been thinking about issues like hooking up, using certain seduction techniques to varying degrees (eg. initiating physical contact, shit tests, push-and-pull), talking about my (future) sexual experiences with girls on-stage, the telling of rape jokes to particular audiences—stuff like that. I don't really know if these could be stand-up routines cos, going through them in my head, they come off as boring. It seems more like something I'd write here. I dunno, I'll see where that goes.
I've been reading more on r/seduction, as I mentioned. It's interesting stuff, and reading people's field reports to assess what works and what doesn't is neat :) But while it does give me an urge to get out there, make me wanna interact with chicks, I know too well the confidence just isn't there yet. I can picture myself being the smoothest cat in my head, both arms around hot babes, talking to 'em like it's nothing; but that's cos I have an optimistic imagination, not cos I'm actually good at any of this :P
As for other uni stuff, my academic progress is kinda all over the place. For my first Discrete Mathematics assessment, I got 16/18; for my first Practical Reasoning paper, I got 53/55; and a recent Maths test I did seemed pretty easy. But I'm not sure how I went with my presentation and write-up for The Scientific Revolution (didn't use too many sources) or, as I mentioned, the essay I just did for Media Ethics and Law. I'm glad they're over though. One more Reasoning exam and one more Scientific Revolution essay, then I'll have a week-long break (the 'I refuse to do anything other than sit on my ass and play GTA V' break :P). Found out today that all 4 of my final exams occur within the first 2 days of the exam period, which is... bullshit, to put it simply :P But I'll just have to work hard over that week and get shit done. If I keep doing as well as I am in Maths and Reasoning, I really only have to worry about studying for Media Ethics and Scientific Revolution. I figure that if I do well this semester, that'll help give me confidence, so I could definitely use the good marks (and I'll feel good if I study and do work on time anyway, lol).
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