Grace: It Would Never Have Perished if It Weren't for You Meddling Kids!

"Children: can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em! Can't you see that!?" 

Robin Williams (or whoever he stole the material from >.>)

Truer words were never spoken. Ever. :P

I have never been a fan of anyone between the ages of 7 and 13 with access to the internet. The demographic carries with it the misfortune of being represented, at least in part, by verbally impotent, intellectually deficient loudmouths with no sign of respect and no thought to spare. I'm well aware of the fact that kids need to learn that it's polite not to be a total douchebag when talking to someone -- that's just part of growing up -- but doesn't that shit happen when they're, like, 5? 6, maybe? I know I was taught that shit way before I got my hands on a keyboard and mouse, and I was roughly the same age when internet access first came in to our house. Of course, everyone outside of the demo is slightly to blame, with kids being exposed to this and being led to believe it's a totally appropriate way to talk to someone you just met; but sometimes, you just know the kid's a total dick, and I've had one of those incidents recently.

Keep in mind that I used to be a pretty hot-headed person, and would go off at the first sight of idiocy or ignorance, irrespective of the guilty party's age. I soon realised that this was a rather extreme way to act, and while I still cringe and curse when I see people asking dumbarse questions in YouTube comments or personal messages that Google could answer in a godforsaken millisecond, the cursing is only heard by the walls in my house -- now, I simply tell them to "look it up" without going apeshit. There was this one kid this week who sent me 4 or 5 PM's on YouTube asking "where do you get [sticker]", "where do you get the tool bag for create mode", "where do you get the clank level i have the game of the year edition and i cant find it". It's not the absence of spelling or grammar that gets me; it's the fact that research skills are seemingly lacking in today's young. I doubt it was this bad before computers -- I betcha anything that kids back then weren't this empty up top. They knew: wanna know what a word means? Dictionary. Wanna know other words for that word? Thesaurus. Wanna know the capital of the Dominican Republic? Atlas. Wanna speed this shit up and get with the times? Google. That, however, is pretty excusable; what I'm about to recite is not :P

Somebody sent me a friend request on the PSN: "I want to be your friend" or something to that effect was in the message. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, I get those from time to time, but I don't add anyone on the PSN. I don't really care if he knew or not, and there's nothing to be angry about, so I just tell him what I tell everyone else who sends me a friend request on the PSN:

"I don't add anyone on the PSN, sorry."

That is word for word what I send as a reply to anyone who sends me a friend request and is nice enough to write something in the message space (empty friend requests are just sad -- at this point, the kid is in my good books). His reply:

"i'm ur fan and you say this to me"

...yes, I do say this to him, and to everyone else who sends me a request. I don't owe him anything -- I have fun making videos and getting some attention, he gets free entertainment. It's a more-than-reasonable exchange. No need to bring that shit up with him though; I'll just explain my response:

"i say this to everyone who wants to add me -- i can't add everyone who asks, and i don't have the time to play with you, so there's no point in me adding you"

Seriously: there isn't. I'm on rarely as it is, and when I am online, I opt to play alone more often than not. His reply:

"then why did you add luisbravo1?"

Perfectly reasonable question, deserving of an answer:

"that was years ago back when I wasn't busy, and it was to make a video with him"

His reply:

"please add me Bludgaboy i want a friend that is cool. just plz add me i'm begging u :("

...a-a-a-and here's where it all starts going downhill :P  This implies that any existing friends this kid has are, in his eyes, not cool. How rude is that, man!? Kids say shit like this all the time, but wow! Gotta end this quickly:

"why should i add you and no one else that asks? that's not fair. please just accept the fact"

This is part of my reasoning behind my decision not to add anyone, regardless of who they are: one stranger gets rejected because there's no point in me adding them, so does everyone else. If I pick and choose which random friend requests to accept and reject, it'll just serve to piss the rejected ones off. This way, it's nothing personal.

He left me alone for about a week, then sent me this cavalcade of irritation:

"Plz add me Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz"

For those of you too lazy to count: 32 instances of the abbreviation collaborated on that project. What does copy/pasting "plz" go to show (they wouldn't all be capital P's if he didn't copy/paste... or at least tried to cover his tracks :P)? It's just silly, right?

"you can beg all you like, it's only making you look immature"

Harsh, but true. His reply:

"its not fair to be friends with venemo X luisbravo1 and everyone else"

1st: I am not friends with "everyone else" -- way to exaggerate :P

2nd: How is it not fair to be friends with Persons A and B, and not Person C? Maybe I don't like Person C! I am under no obligation to be friends with everyone who talks to me! If this is true, then one of two things is true: either I have to be friends with everyone, or have no friends at all!

3rd: Much like Luis, I added VenemoX a while back, and we knew each other on YouTube ever farther back. We were actual friends, so I added him (or him me, whatever :P). I've said this before, and I'll say it again: someone you know being in a "friends list" does not mean they are your friend. Also, I'm not friends with Luis; more of an acquaintance. We never speak to each other; how does that constitute friendship?

Kids think a "friend" is just someone they know, and I'm not gonna fuck with the kid's head for the sake of a label correction, so once again, I just tried to get this over with once and for all:

"i added those people *years* ago, before i stopped adding people. i have hardly any other people on the PSN i'm friends with. please, *please* stop this, or i'll just block you"

A-a-a-and now, the moment you've all been waiting for:

"f*** u"

WOAH WOAH WOAH Woah woah! F*** me? F*** me!? Hot diggity damn -- someone's gonna f*** me! Come on, people -- if you're gonna get down and dirty with the English language, at least have the balls to say the word rather than letting a bunch of asterisks do the work for ya :P

"calm down, grow up, and get over it, dude. i wouldn't want someone so rude and immature in my friends list even if i *did* add people"

Note how I'm yet to crack? No need to: he already has :P

"shut up u fuckin ass hole ADD ME!"

No "f*** me"? Is that girl still up for it? I know I am... *drools*. Anyways, enough perversion. Apart from the fact that "ass hole" is one word and not two, do you notice anything else wrong with this message? Anything at all? I sorta noticed something, might not actually be something, but, um... see how he called me a "fuckin ass hole"... then, right next to that, he demands that I add him? Do you get that? I don't.

I don't add people because I don't want to be obliged to add every single person who asks; I also don't add people so I can avoid future contact with anyone like this :P

EDIT:

"i dont want to be in your vids i just want to add u"

-and I just want this kid to get the message, but it would appear no-one's getting what they want. I don't think there's any hope with this kid. Just send his resume to Taco Bell and get him the fuck away from the PlayStation :P

EDIT 2:

More kids sending me friend requests? Yes, more kids sending me friend requests.

Some other kid kept asking me to be his friend and sent me a friend request every time I rejected the previous one. Eventually, he asked me to give him DLC; all became crystal clear from that point onwards :P  Go buy your own DLC, stingy prick.

I had another kid send me a friend request just saying "add me", which I responded to in the same way I always do. Logged on this morning to find another "please please please please please" marathon. Kudos for using the full word rather than the contracted version, but it doesn't give you that much credit :P

Television: Not Watching It Makes Me :D

I used to watch television a lot. There was a point in my life where I just had to watch all the crime shows: CSI, Law and Order, NCIS, Numb3rs (my personal favourite;) I didn't care, so long as there was a mystery to be solved. Predictably enough, the shows got... predictable :P I'm still up for a bit of TV every now and then, but YouTube will always be the best channel. No ads and no signal interference; just an infinite supply of Becker and Whose Line is it Anyway? I could watch that show forever! The knowledge that you will not see what you saw last time (a few running gags aside :P) makes for a damned good television programme. The rest of the televised world is something I love to hate. Whenever I watch a television broadcast (as in, the live feed from the aerial, not the stuff worth watching) I am persistently and openly mocking almost everything I see (much to the disdain of those who live with me :P) No over-dramatisation goes unnoticed, and no advertisement goes unridiculed; I swear, I do not have the ability to pass the opportunity to take the piss out of an ad unless it's genuinely good... and that ain't often :P

What gets me, though, is the rivalry between the networks. Here in Australia, we used to have a show called The Chaser's War on Everything. This was another programme I used to watch a few years back, but this show, unlike all the others I've mentioned, was canned. It wasn't canned because it was shitty; it was canned because it was actually too good! The show was political and commercial satire on crack, and the 6 blokes who were the Chaser team were both brilliant writers and gutsy performers. Their vox pops and outrageous public stunts really set the mark for political and social commentary in this country. After only 2 seasons, the Chaser team was far too easily recognised for the show's future success to be viable; the team's spontaneity relied highly on their relative anonymity. I can almost guarantee you that the show's cancellation was because of all the dumb motherfuckers video-bombing, wanting autographs and "waiting for something cool to happen!" This is why we can't have anything nice :P

The team were renowned not only for their political humour, but their never-ending piss-takes on the Australian media, particularly the commercial networks (Channels Seven, Nine and Ten.; real goddamn original :P) Channels Seven and Nine are fierce competitors; same shit, different channel, but always going at one another. Today, I actually saw a video where Channel 9 "apologised" for putting 3 watermarks across the middle of the screen - not the corner, or even the edge, right smack bang in the fuckin' middle - because Channel Seven was "stealing their content" and even pushing said content as "exclusive material." Much to my not-surprise, this was actually true, but get this: Channel Seven not only stole the footage, but they blurred the watermarks... as in, the ones Channel Nine put in the middle of the screen. o.O There is an entire strip of the screen that is just... blurry! I've seen blurred watermarks before, but this... this is just ridiculous!



Can you believe this? This is what happens when two groups of arse-wipes go at it: they'll stop at nothing until the other is down and out for good. Shit, that's what capitalism is, hypothetically: a never ending fight. Guess what, fuckers: all fights end. That's the entire point of conflict: to find a solution! Conflict can not last forever, and eventually, we'll have one media conglomerate, one global nation, and one giant facepalm (if we're still allowed, that is.) For the moment, capitalism is the lesser of two evils, so I suppose we're stuck here until we find a better way to deal with how fucked the human mindset is. Until then... enjoy the epic bitch fight :P

Oh, and Channel Nine... we don't see it first on your channel because you "work very hard." We see it first on your channel because you're run by CVC Asia Pacific, who (like any large corporation) manipulate the lives of the puppets they call their "employees" and throw money around like rice at a wedding to lather "news stories" in their own conservative coating before anyone else is able to get a fucking word in.

Oh... and I saw it on YouTube first :P