Grace: It Would Never Have Perished if It Weren't for You Meddling Kids!

"Children: can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em! Can't you see that!?" 

Robin Williams (or whoever he stole the material from >.>)

Truer words were never spoken. Ever. :P

I have never been a fan of anyone between the ages of 7 and 13 with access to the internet. The demographic carries with it the misfortune of being represented, at least in part, by verbally impotent, intellectually deficient loudmouths with no sign of respect and no thought to spare. I'm well aware of the fact that kids need to learn that it's polite not to be a total douchebag when talking to someone -- that's just part of growing up -- but doesn't that shit happen when they're, like, 5? 6, maybe? I know I was taught that shit way before I got my hands on a keyboard and mouse, and I was roughly the same age when internet access first came in to our house. Of course, everyone outside of the demo is slightly to blame, with kids being exposed to this and being led to believe it's a totally appropriate way to talk to someone you just met; but sometimes, you just know the kid's a total dick, and I've had one of those incidents recently.

Keep in mind that I used to be a pretty hot-headed person, and would go off at the first sight of idiocy or ignorance, irrespective of the guilty party's age. I soon realised that this was a rather extreme way to act, and while I still cringe and curse when I see people asking dumbarse questions in YouTube comments or personal messages that Google could answer in a godforsaken millisecond, the cursing is only heard by the walls in my house -- now, I simply tell them to "look it up" without going apeshit. There was this one kid this week who sent me 4 or 5 PM's on YouTube asking "where do you get [sticker]", "where do you get the tool bag for create mode", "where do you get the clank level i have the game of the year edition and i cant find it". It's not the absence of spelling or grammar that gets me; it's the fact that research skills are seemingly lacking in today's young. I doubt it was this bad before computers -- I betcha anything that kids back then weren't this empty up top. They knew: wanna know what a word means? Dictionary. Wanna know other words for that word? Thesaurus. Wanna know the capital of the Dominican Republic? Atlas. Wanna speed this shit up and get with the times? Google. That, however, is pretty excusable; what I'm about to recite is not :P

Somebody sent me a friend request on the PSN: "I want to be your friend" or something to that effect was in the message. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, I get those from time to time, but I don't add anyone on the PSN. I don't really care if he knew or not, and there's nothing to be angry about, so I just tell him what I tell everyone else who sends me a friend request on the PSN:

"I don't add anyone on the PSN, sorry."

That is word for word what I send as a reply to anyone who sends me a friend request and is nice enough to write something in the message space (empty friend requests are just sad -- at this point, the kid is in my good books). His reply:

"i'm ur fan and you say this to me"

...yes, I do say this to him, and to everyone else who sends me a request. I don't owe him anything -- I have fun making videos and getting some attention, he gets free entertainment. It's a more-than-reasonable exchange. No need to bring that shit up with him though; I'll just explain my response:

"i say this to everyone who wants to add me -- i can't add everyone who asks, and i don't have the time to play with you, so there's no point in me adding you"

Seriously: there isn't. I'm on rarely as it is, and when I am online, I opt to play alone more often than not. His reply:

"then why did you add luisbravo1?"

Perfectly reasonable question, deserving of an answer:

"that was years ago back when I wasn't busy, and it was to make a video with him"

His reply:

"please add me Bludgaboy i want a friend that is cool. just plz add me i'm begging u :("

...a-a-a-and here's where it all starts going downhill :P  This implies that any existing friends this kid has are, in his eyes, not cool. How rude is that, man!? Kids say shit like this all the time, but wow! Gotta end this quickly:

"why should i add you and no one else that asks? that's not fair. please just accept the fact"

This is part of my reasoning behind my decision not to add anyone, regardless of who they are: one stranger gets rejected because there's no point in me adding them, so does everyone else. If I pick and choose which random friend requests to accept and reject, it'll just serve to piss the rejected ones off. This way, it's nothing personal.

He left me alone for about a week, then sent me this cavalcade of irritation:

"Plz add me Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz Plz"

For those of you too lazy to count: 32 instances of the abbreviation collaborated on that project. What does copy/pasting "plz" go to show (they wouldn't all be capital P's if he didn't copy/paste... or at least tried to cover his tracks :P)? It's just silly, right?

"you can beg all you like, it's only making you look immature"

Harsh, but true. His reply:

"its not fair to be friends with venemo X luisbravo1 and everyone else"

1st: I am not friends with "everyone else" -- way to exaggerate :P

2nd: How is it not fair to be friends with Persons A and B, and not Person C? Maybe I don't like Person C! I am under no obligation to be friends with everyone who talks to me! If this is true, then one of two things is true: either I have to be friends with everyone, or have no friends at all!

3rd: Much like Luis, I added VenemoX a while back, and we knew each other on YouTube ever farther back. We were actual friends, so I added him (or him me, whatever :P). I've said this before, and I'll say it again: someone you know being in a "friends list" does not mean they are your friend. Also, I'm not friends with Luis; more of an acquaintance. We never speak to each other; how does that constitute friendship?

Kids think a "friend" is just someone they know, and I'm not gonna fuck with the kid's head for the sake of a label correction, so once again, I just tried to get this over with once and for all:

"i added those people *years* ago, before i stopped adding people. i have hardly any other people on the PSN i'm friends with. please, *please* stop this, or i'll just block you"

A-a-a-and now, the moment you've all been waiting for:

"f*** u"

WOAH WOAH WOAH Woah woah! F*** me? F*** me!? Hot diggity damn -- someone's gonna f*** me! Come on, people -- if you're gonna get down and dirty with the English language, at least have the balls to say the word rather than letting a bunch of asterisks do the work for ya :P

"calm down, grow up, and get over it, dude. i wouldn't want someone so rude and immature in my friends list even if i *did* add people"

Note how I'm yet to crack? No need to: he already has :P

"shut up u fuckin ass hole ADD ME!"

No "f*** me"? Is that girl still up for it? I know I am... *drools*. Anyways, enough perversion. Apart from the fact that "ass hole" is one word and not two, do you notice anything else wrong with this message? Anything at all? I sorta noticed something, might not actually be something, but, um... see how he called me a "fuckin ass hole"... then, right next to that, he demands that I add him? Do you get that? I don't.

I don't add people because I don't want to be obliged to add every single person who asks; I also don't add people so I can avoid future contact with anyone like this :P

EDIT:

"i dont want to be in your vids i just want to add u"

-and I just want this kid to get the message, but it would appear no-one's getting what they want. I don't think there's any hope with this kid. Just send his resume to Taco Bell and get him the fuck away from the PlayStation :P

EDIT 2:

More kids sending me friend requests? Yes, more kids sending me friend requests.

Some other kid kept asking me to be his friend and sent me a friend request every time I rejected the previous one. Eventually, he asked me to give him DLC; all became crystal clear from that point onwards :P  Go buy your own DLC, stingy prick.

I had another kid send me a friend request just saying "add me", which I responded to in the same way I always do. Logged on this morning to find another "please please please please please" marathon. Kudos for using the full word rather than the contracted version, but it doesn't give you that much credit :P

Children: There Is No Solution

I like to think of myself as a tolerant person. I want to think I'm the sorta guy that doesn't go off at someone for being different due to circumstances they have no control over. Children fall straight in to this category, no questions asked, but I always find myself referring to people even as old as 16 and 17 as children, in thinking and writing, and sometimes when speaking. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking: "we're all somebody's children, Ratchet!" No shit :P To look at it that way means that all actions are childish actions, all actors are child actors, children's television is aimed at everyone and to not have the mind of a child is to not have a mind at all. "Childhood" is a stage of human development, so for my purposes, let's define a child as someone going through that stage of development and leave it at that. Smart-arses :P

Even then, however, the issues surrounding how old one must be to bear the title of "child" and exactly where the borders for "childhood" are still stand. I think we can all agree that in this context, it's somewhere between being born and turning 18, but there are definitions that state childhood as being "somewhere between birth and puberty," as being "before maturity," among other things. It's a hard matter to define in such a concrete manner, which is why I always stall after I refer to myself as a child, because I'm on the brink of adulthood, yet automatically refer to myself as a "child." I can be such a condescending bastard to myself sometimes... I'm so cruel :P

Today, however, I want to talk about a particular group of children, for which I will define general age limits among other traits. Today, I want to talk about your typical 10-15 year old poorly raised, self-centered, arrogant prick; the type who thinks he'll get anything he asks for with his crackly voice or his depraved spelling, as he proceeds to molest his vocal cords or finger-rape a keyboard/keypad/anything other input device he can get his greasy mitts on. Yes, I'm talking about teenage boys; teenage girls are a whole other matter, and I think about them in a very, very different way never ever think about them at all in any way, shape or form. The undeveloped male mind is the focus here, as will be how much I motherfucking hate it.

Of course, I was, at one point in my life, hypothetically thinking the same way, and I suppose it's a phase all boys go through, but I can assure you that I never acted the way I see these people acting online... ever. I know that at one point, you just don't know this stuff, and you have to learn it, but I graduated from Grace School when I was fucking five. Are Western parents that busy complaining about their children that they can't teach them basic manners anymore? That must be where they get it from :P The behaviour is surprising as much as it is predictable.

First off, I look to Facebook, YouTube, and the social aspects of Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network to see just how fucked up one's concept of a "friend" can get. To me, a friend is someone I share things with; someone I enjoy being around; someone I've developed a relationship with. We call this relationship... friendship. To these fuckers, a friend is someone on your "Friends List." It isn't a list of your friends; it's a list of people who clicked "Yes" or "Add" or "Accept" or some other button when asked if they wanted to be added to a list! How does such an simple act constitute friendship? These people probably know fuck all about 80% of their so called friends. There are people with 300, 400, even 500 "friends" in these lists! 500 friends!? Bullshit! You probably don't even have 500 active brain cells, you little twerp! Shit, I can count the number of friends I have (digital or tangible :P) on my hands! You call it "lol u have no life xD" (loosely translated in this context as "unpopularity") whereas I call it the truth, one these people simply cannot accept.

The funny thing is that I have these same morons asking me to be their friends via the PSN. You know, those ridiculous messages you get sometimes: "hey lol it's me [whatever their YouTube ID is] from utube i saw ur vids and i want to be ur freind accept plz." Even if this person put a gun up against my skull after showing to me the process of loading it with real bullets, and cocking it, ready to fire, I still wouldn't add him to any friends or buddy list of any kind, not only because this person is clearly a fuckwit and not worth my time nor my attention, but because generally these children don't know how to load guns properly. Just because that's how they do it in CoD doesn't mean that's how you do it in a car before you run in to your school and "start the game" :P

It's when you turn them down (in as neutral a manner as possible, as to try and avoid this ridiculous discourse, pretending such a feat is possible :P) that the real fun starts. The homophobia is always first on the agenda: "whatevr u fagget." Rejecting a friend request and liking people of the same sex have nothing to do with each other. Do us all a favour and take your bigotry to the Grand Canyon so you can show it how many backflips you can do off the side. They also love to brag about how long their list of "friends" is: "lol whatevs i have 700 frends anyway so fuk u looser." Well, as I've clearly demonstrated, that means sweet fuck all in the grand scheme of things. If you want to compare arbitrary statistics, let us compare: I scored 3,000,000 points yesterday in a video game, and 3,000,000 is 4,286 times bigger than 700, so that makes me 4,286 times better than you. The "no life" one is always a hoot; "you have no life xD" The only people who have no life are either lying in a grave, resting in countless particles of ash, or have since decomposed; they give less than a fuck about what you have to say about their status as people. With retorts like these, you make us believe that you think you're God's gift to humanity, which you are not. If you were a gift, I'd take you back to the store and demand a goddamned refund... with that gun of yours.

It's amazing seeing just how far from correct these people can take a paragraph. Parents, I don't care whether it's the liquid type or the powdered type: keep your kids off the fucking coke! Maybe they'll stop typing so much then! also type properlee & stop stik-ing xD on teh end of ur sentences ur not funny lol thats my job lol im funny guy lmao see im funny rofl cuz my sentence never muthafukin OMG DONT SWEAR YOU ASSSSSHOLE ITS ROODE U FAG FUK U but yh lol i cant stop tying wurdssssss i ripped the dot keyy off lol dont kno wut its actulee calld cuz im to cul to kno things lol but LOL but i tuk it off & 8 it w/ my mouth and it tasted like plastik xDD lol cuz my keybored iz plastik so so LOL the key tasted like plastik and I ATE PLASTIK xDDDDDDDDD CHINS ARE FUNNY AND SO IS ALLCAPS I ATE MY CAPSLOCK JUST THEN AND AND GUESS WUT IT TASTED LIKE PLASTIK TO OMG OMG OMG i need a gf so bad ill treet u right lol IN BED xDDDDDDDDDDDDDD give me ur number and ill give u my dick in your pussy LOL its funny cuz its sex

oh & i hakked this blog its myne nao ratchet more like ratshit LOL
haxxxxxxoooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr