Last time I wrote an entry about fantasising, I dun goofed by referring to specific people I dreamed of fucking. Let's not do that this time :P
I still love fantasising about girls—brings about the best orgasms by a mile, and it's just a lot of fun :) After some of the responses to my aforementioned blog entries, I thought ill of it for a while, but I eventually came to the conclusion that it was the publication of the writing that was the mistake, not the fantasising, or even the writing itself. The fantasising and writing were activities that only involved me and didn't affect other people, not until the writing was made public. What's wrong with fantasising about a friend of yours? Nothing, not with the fantasising alone. If it leads you to think differently of them in the real world, then those are just consequences you have to deal with as a result of your own actions, but so long as you don't over-indulge, it should be fine. And writing about them? Getting a little involved and perhaps a little obsessive, but so long as you don't reveal it to the world, no one's the wiser (unless people somehow find it, even though you've kept it secret... >.>).
I've thought about a few moral dilemmas surrounding this, though, and they don't seem to have black-and-white answers, the truth being dependant upon several variables. First off, let's assume I'm in a committed relationship with a woman. Is it right for me to masturbate to the thought of anyone else? Forget 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife"; let's take a more logical, humanistic approach :P If I love my partner, then surely that love will survive my fantasising about other women. If I see a chick in the street who's just fucking gorgeous, and I go home and masturbate to the thought of her, have I cheated? No, because I'm still faithful to my partner in practice. The mind is subjected to all kinds of thoughts, and you can't control what it conjures up sometimes. If I have a choice between A) masturbating to the thought of this random hot chick, B) trying to make a move on the hot chick in spite of my relationship because she's just that fuckin' hot, or C) repressing my sexuality and possibly damaging myself psychologically, or worse, risking taking out this sexual frustration on my partner in any way, I'ma go with Option A :P
What about if you fantasise about young teens or kids? Again, if it hurts no one else, it's not a problem—that's the basis for humanism right there—but you're, like, one fuckin' step away from being a sex offender. You're definitely skating on thin ice. And, if it is indeed wrong to fantasise about people way younger than you, when is it wrong to stop fantasising about certain age groups? What is the youngest person someone should be sexually desiring? If you found out that a sixteen-year-old fantasised about a fourteen year old, you'd be like "eh, whatever", but if a forty-year-old did it, alarm bells would go right the fuck off.
I have a school uniform fetish (not really a hardcore fetish, but I find some girls in school uniform are sexier than I'd otherwise find em)—at what point will that become creepy? Is it already creepy? I'm nineteen, and schoolgirls can be eighteen, so even if I was dating a schoolgirl, it could well be reasonable depending on the age gap; but, what about when I'm twenty? Twenty-five? Thirty? Thirty-five? Forty? Fifty? When does it stop being appropriate to dream about being hit on by horny schoolgirls? Is it ever wrong? Who knows.
I also don't know what it is about the school uniform that turns me on so much. It can't just be any old uniform, either; it's gotta show a little here and there. The skirt's gotta be shorter than average, but still not so short that I can see her ass. And she's gotta have a blouse, not a blazer or a jumper or a jacket or anything. I guess it's more the implications: the girl is young, just starting to explore her hormones and sexual desires, or maybe already exploring them and really enjoying it, knowing she can seduce boys at will and make them feel good too. There's just an innocence about the uniform and the school system itself that seems to juxtapose with lust and sexual activity in a way that excites me, like it's breaking the rules even though it really isn't. I mean, if I had a girlfriend (or even a one night stand) and the girl asked me what turned me on, this would be at the top of my list. I can't imagine how fucking pent up I'd get if I ever got to live out that fantasy :P
That's something else I've noticed: the sex in my head is getting a little rougher, and I'm less averse to rougher porn now. I hate videos where the girl is just getting ravaged and is evidently in pain—that stuff is fucking horrible to watch—but if the girl likes it a little hard (I don't mean she pretends to like it; I mean she actually likes it), it's hot. I guess some women like that assertiveness or control of the situation from the guy... I can't be sure. Could be a simple physical thing too where the nerves are more stimulated the harder you thrust into her, or more nerves are stimulated in the first place.
I just love it when the girl enjoys the sex—that's the staple for me. A girl saying 'yes, yes!' over and over, when you can tell through her inflection that she means it, that is the hottest fucking thing she could ever do. When she's having fun and is fully immersed in the act, just as horny as I am, it's just better that way. Sex with a partner is, by its very nature, a mutual thing, so if one person isn't enjoying it, the other probably won't either, at least the way I see it. When I combine the enjoyment with a slow increase in stroke rate, starting off nice and slow, more touchy-feely and kissy-huggy than anything else, and eventually building up to a nice, strong thrust that's fast enough for her to really feel it, it's a pretty awesome thing to imagine ^_^ To be honest, I recreate this in my head in a pretty cliché fashion: the typical "Fuck me daddy"/"Yes, baby!"/Oh God, yes!"/That feels so good!" exclamations, her moaning in pleasure the entire time, mutual orgasms, comments about how she likes how warm my cum is inside of her—stuff right out of a porno, lol.
That's the thing I've gotta realise: sex isn't like this, not in its entirety, and even the individual elements of the fantasy won't show all the time. I mean, first off, I can impress any girl in my fantasies; in reality, I have no skill whatsoever :P When I have my first time, I'll have to deal with an oversensitive dickhead and the fact that I'll probably cum before I'm even all the way inside her. I have to deal with making sure I'm not hurting her and that she's comfortable (which could be rather difficult, given how bony my pelvis is). Eventually, I can start having some real fun, sure, but the first few times, it's gonna be over before the fun can even begin :P And even then, these fantasies are completely unrealistic recreations of anything but the greatest sex ever. She isn't gonna moan in pleasure every time I thrust into her, she probably isn't gonna be calling me 'daddy' and exclaiming how much she loves what I'm doing (at least the chances of any of that happening are far lower), and like fuck am I cumming inside her, or even fucking her unprotected in the first place—I have brains that stop me from making dumbass mistakes like that :P
Even the lead-up to the sex is fun to visualise. It always starts out in a different way, though some things don't change. Like, it could be at a house party, a club, my house, uni, one of many places; but it's almost always with a girl I'm only just meeting in the fantasy. It's rare I picture myself having sex with someone I've been with for ages—sometimes I do, sometimes I like to indulge in that sex between two people who just love each other heaps and wanna express that physically—but I usually take the more lustful route in fantasy-land. I started writing how my fantasies go, but it made me... yeah, so I stopped :P I will finish it, just not in this entry, cos I don't want this particular one to be full of smut—that can go in its own entry. Was pretty fun to write though :)
Speaking of smut, I've recently gotten into erotica, or written porn. It's like that middleground between it being someone else's fantasy, but you still have to do all the work of visualising it in your head. It's pretty cool and I wish I'd gotten in on it sooner. I only dabble in it a little bit, and I only seem to like stories where the guy loses his virginity, seeing as they're usually all about how he's in over his head and just amazed by what's going on. The site I use has lots of incest stories, which is a little weird. But still, once you find a good story, it sucks you right in. There's this one story where this fifteen year old boy starts seeing this thirteen year old at the beach, but she looks a lot older than she actually is; he thinks she's around his age. He starts talking to her, they make out one day, then he feels her up the next day, but she stops him. Next day, she starts blowing him, but she has to leave before he cums (fucking miraculous :P). The next night, he goes to her house, they go to a park, and she blows him again, this time with him cumming in her mouth. They, of course, just laugh it off—makes perfect sense :P She eventually has him over again, and she shows him this sex tape her parents made. That gets them horny then they fuck each other, with her in a little bit of pain but still liking it. To finish it all off, he, of course, cums inside her (though, upon re-reading the story, he had a condom on, so it's a non-issue).
There's the last thing I wanna talk about: cum. Or is it 'come'? Is 'come' the formal version? Or is it actually spelled 'cum' when you're talking about the act of ejaculation, or semen itself? I can't work it out. I always thought it was like 'fuk' instead of 'fuck' or '4' instead of 'for', but I have no real idea anymore. Lenny Bruce's bit he wrote back in the 50's about the word is titled 'To is a Preposition; Come is a Verb', so it's spelled like the regular word 'come' there, but has it changed to 'cum' since? Or is 'cum' just a popular alternative?
And what is it about cumming inside a girl's mouth, pussy, or ass that's so satisfying? I say this as a guy who fantasises about that very act. Why pull out? Pregnancy and STD's don't exist in my mind! I want to let it all out while inside her, no condom or anything, just release all of it into her body. Is it another assertion thing? Do girls like that? I guess some do and some don't, but even to me, it seems kinda gross. When I imagine myself cumming into a girl's body (or when I'm watching it/reading about it), it feels amazing to visualise, and I can't explain why. It's just this huge surge of energy, then all this warm, sticky stuff just makes its way from one person to the other... then it's just... there... sitting there, all... icky. I've watched cumshots and creampies when horny and been wrapped up in it, but after the fact, it honestly looks disgusting. Semen doesn't exactly smell nice either, and, of course, can initiate pregnancy and carry diseases; anyone can understand why some women wanna avoid it on them or in them at all costs. It's crazy the changes your mind goes through during sexual practices, at least compared to how you'd normally see things.
Who cares, though. So long as it's fun, safe, and consensual, that's all that matters :)
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